Project Runway - The Art of Fashion

Happy Easter, Addicts! I hope you're enjoying your colored eggs, cornucopia of chocolate and your ham dinners. Last week we had our Lord & Taylor challenge in which Layana and Richard refused to talk to each other. Daniel had some sort of mental breakdown with Michelle. Stanley and Water Lily are mean to each other. Michelle won the challenge, having her piece reproduced and sold at Lord & Taylor stores. Samantha was sent home as the scape goat to keep the drama of Richard around.

The women are awake at 5:30 in the morning and Layana is complaining that Richard stayed while Samantha was kicked off. She remarks that Richard has been in the bottom 3 times in a row now. That's pretty shocking, that the judges haven't said anything yet. Michelle thinks that Samantha's piece was in fact the worst, but based on past challenges, Richard was the worse of the two. But that's not how this show works, girl. It's week to week. As long as it's convenient anyways. The girls are all done with Richard's jersey color-blocked dresses. The girls want the new teams to be girls vs boys. That would be interesting.

Heidi comes out in sparkles. She asks why none of the designers are smiling. Probably because they're mentally drained at this point. And they don't get to go home and have coconut water pumped into their system with an IV with all kinds of staff to do everything for them. And they're success depends on this show, unlike yours, Heidi. She tells the designers that they're going to be able to push the boundaries with this new challenge. They are to meet Tim somewhere and he will explain the rest.

The Guggenheim museum is their location to meet Tim. My sister and I tried to find the Guggenheim when we were in New York together, but there is another building called the Guggenheim for some reason, in Korea Town. We got lost. Back to Sir Gunn. The judges have decided to change up the teams and put them into pairs. So much for boys vs girls. First team is Stanley and Michelle. Both are very excited to work together since they haven't thus far. Richard and Water Lily are paired together and Richard is excited to access Water Lily's creative side. That leaves Layana and Daniel. They worked well together before, but Layana says that she likes Daniel, but she's not happy with him as a partner because she'll have to carry the team. She's pretty damned cocky. I'm over her. She's arrogant.

This is the HP challenge. Tim is forced to display how the device they're going to be using can transition from a laptop to a tablet. They are tasked to make 2 pieces. One of them is to be a work of wearable art, meaning big and dramatic, and the other is to be a scaled down ready-to-wear piece that is cohesive with the other look. They will also be making their own textile patterns. Yay! I love this challenge. I'm always very interested to see what the designers come up with.

The designers are the only people in the building. Jealous. They don't have to fight with huge groups of students running around and getting in the way.

Layana and Daniel find the piece they want to be inspired by. It's interesting. They are arguing over who gets to make the big work of art piece. Daniel is throwing out all kinds of ideas, and she's shooting down everything. Daniel concedes to do the ready-to-wear piece and let Layana run with her "idea".

This is the best/only angle that I get of the piece that Michelle and Stanley are working with. They are really working well together. They agree to make the art piece. They're the team to beat, in my opinion.

Water Lily has found her piece. Richard is totally discounted as a partner. Water Lily will obviously do the art piece because that's all she's capable of doing. They struggle to understand each other. It's rather painful to listen to. She keeps asking him what the shape of his dress will be. It's got to be based on YOUR design, so shouldn't you be spouting off about what your intention is? Don't put this all on him. You're supposed to be the star here! I hate her.

Time to design textiles! There are assorted craft items on a table for them to use as parts of their design as well. Mostly items that would help build up volume. I don't even know what I would come up with if I were challenged to make my own pattern. Michelle starts drawing a woman's face (what I had previously thought was Obama...uh oh...is that a SWAT van outside?) who is on the brink of madess. She says she can relate to this woman, right now in her life. Stanley is 100% on board. Richard and Water Lily make triangle based designs while Layana comes up with a rectangular design.

Off too Mood. Richard tells us he's not even going down the jersey knit aisle. Layana is completely running her team. Stanley and Michelle are in perfect harmony. Richard asks the staff if they have plastic crystals. Water Lily is freaking out. I think, in this instance, she's allowed to. This is the second time he's tried to put crystals on a piece.

Tim comes in and tells the designer that the winner of this challenge will win $10,000 cash prize as well as the computer/device that designs the fabric. That's pretty exciting. That's a big win. Michelle says how great it is that they're team just goes and works, they don't have to sit down and talk about how they're going to work. Immediately after her interview, we hear Richard say to Water Lily, "Do you wanna sit down for like 5 minutes and talk about what we're going to do and how we're going to do it?" Ha. Those tow are speaking two different languages to each other. Richard keeps saying he's lost. At least they have more than 1 day to do this one. Layana is bossing Daniel around about how things are going. Layana says Daniel isn't a good partner because he's not helping her get out of this dark place she's in. Ugh. Groan.

The prints are in. Daniel keeps trying to give Layana high fives and hugs and she just brushes him off in an awkward way. Poor Daniel. As crazy as he went last challenge, I think he genuinely has good intentions. Richard has spent all day yesterday and part of today working on this bracelet.

Ok, Water Lily has a right to be annoyed that rather than spending time with her and getting inspiration for his own dress, he's making an accessory. "This is just a beautiful bracelet I made. Fashion was born this morning." Really? It's a piece of cardboard you covered in fabric. I bet it doesn't even walk the runway.

Layana is draping the printed fabric they made and she's basically taken the whole roll. There's less than 1 yard left in the back of the dress, and she doesn't want to give it Daniel. Layana is refusing to give him anything until she's done. Daniel coaxes her into it. It's still less than a full yard.

Water Lily tells Richard he shouldn't make a form fitted dress, because it's tired. Meanwhile, over on the other team that hates each other, Layana says that she's all sad faced. She's lost her inspiration and has changed the silhouette. We only see her change it once. She's in tears all day. She wants to win to pay off her student loans. You and me both, wench.

Tim visit time! When Michelle shows him the painting she did on the back of the jacket, he says it gives him chills.  He's excited about the print even though he was vary wary of it at the beginning. Ms. Know-It-All (Layana) says that Stanley's companion piece is boring and not innovative. She has something bitchy to say about everyone but herself. And maybe Michelle.

We move onto Richard and WL. She shows him how there are 3 levels to the dress and it's even confusing for Tim. That's a problem. Richard says how much he hates what he doing, without actually saying it. Tim can see how lost he is. He shows him the bracelet and Tim is confused when he had time to make the bracelet, and why he doesn't have a dress instead. Tim calls WL out that the whole thing is about her. He says he's worried about them and particularly about Richard. He calls a conspiracy theory, that Richard is trying to be bad so it can all fall on WL. Now she's got that in her head. Not helpful, Tim.These are the two that get the make-it-work moment spell from Tim.

Layana and Daniel get props on their print. Daniel once again claims he's going for young and sexy, which he has yet to achieve since the ping-pong challenge. He has once again made a jacket. With the same shoulders. He's a one-way-monkey as Dimitri from last season would call him. Tim gives Layana shit about how lack-luster her piece is since it's supposed to be the big dramatic piece. Tim offers her a hug.

Michelle feels bad. So they must legit be friends. Kind of make sense. As much as I love Michelle's designs, she's a mean girl. Layana is a mean girl. They're meant to be friends. Layana goes outside to cry some more. Dry it up, honey, no one cares.  She comes back in and still is crying. Daniel tames the beast. The tears come off as just whining anyways.

WL keeps calling Richard, Daniel. It's funny. Richard is not enjoying it. He's really not enjoying this experience. None of what's designed is his vision. You gave up power too early, friend.

Stanley and Michelle are making a dress out of bubble wrap. Sign me up. They're painting it black. They seem to be the only ones embracing the artiness of it.

Day of the runway. Pointless hair and make up descriptions are given so we can be beaten over the head with product placement.

Heidi is going very peek-a-boo, but I don't hate it. It's sexy without being obvious. Once again Zach Posen is missing. Rachel Roy is replacing him again. I'm fine with this. I think she should just be on the show. Our guest judge is Tracy Reese, a fashion designer.

Layana's piece is first.

It doesn't say "art" to me. It says over the top, but not really in a good way. After all those "tears" and this is what she presents. I think there may be more tears from her later.

Daniel.

It's cute. The jacket does look nice. But it also does make her look older. Not so old that the jacket is unwearable, but older. The skirt is whimsical, especially since he had such little fabric to work with.

Water Lily.

Oh, sweet Moses. What the hell is that?! It scares me, and not in a positive way. Call an exorcist, maybe. The print gets totally lost. I'm sure Heidi will love it though.

Richard.

It's a mess. It's boring. And his model has an actual frown going on. That doesn't help your situation, dude. Sorry.

Michelle/Stanley.

Amazing. A total winner, hands down. Except the head thing. I can do without that and it would be even better. Love it. I also love the painting down the back.

Stanley.

It's very pretty. It's not a silhouette I would normally like, but it works with that fabric.

Heidi says she's impressed with everyone, that this is what Project Runway is all about. Michelle and Stanley are up first. They describe their crazy person theory. Stanely, without prompting, thanks the judges for pairing him with Michelle. Rachel loves it, Nina thinks it's perfection, and Tracey loves it as well. They agree that it looks like a real collection. They love the bubble-wrap. Nina can't say enough nice things. If they are the winners, Michelle suggests that she say him and he says her and then it's even. They break down who did what, instead.

Richard and WL. WL says the word "tribal" in her description. That automatically means they're going to love it. Nina likes the idea that Richard tried to go for. Nina doesn't get harmony from the two pieces, and neither does Rachel. Heidi says she gave WL a really high score. Of course. She hates Richard's piece. Richard doesn't say WL is the worst, but he says the whole concept was hers.

Layana actually gives Daniel credit in helping her. He also gives her credit in return. Heidi says how much she loves Daniel's pieces. Nina loves his stuff as well. They keep giving accolades to the jacket and the tailoring. Do they know this means he's only ever going to make jackets now? Everyone can see Layana's struggle in the dress. Rachel says it's a mix of Scarlet O'Hara and Barbie. Daniel says that even though Layana helped him on his look he would like the win. Layana disagrees and says the dress that he produced was 50/50 and he shouldn't get the win.

Oh look, she's crying again. Any guesses why? Oh, because Daniel didn't give her enough credit for the work she did on his piece. She keeps saying 50/50 over and over again. Shut up! She says she feel betrayed.

Am I the only one blown away by Tracey's guns? Who does she think she is? Michone?

Stanley and Michelle are called the winning team, Stanley being named the winner. He has the most monotone celebration speech ever. He smiles, but there's no sparkle in those eyes. Dead faced. Is he a cousin of Emilio from last season?

Layana and Daniel are called safe. All that belly aching for NOTHING. WL has a loud outburst of tears as they call her name. She's called in. Of course she is. Richard was meant to go. He gives a wink and a gun to each of the other judges.

Hugs all around. I'm glad things don't have to be EVERYTHING anymore. They can just be beautiful garments.

Next week, the designers get to work on their own. I'm sorry, what? Just kidding. Sort of. They're going to get partners. Which means eliminated designers are coming back to the workroom! They have to create a celebrity editorial look for Marie Claire. Tu, Smantha, Richard, and Kate are visible for returning designers.

Til then!

Face Off - Living the Dream

Welcome to the season finale, Addicts! We are down to Anthony, Slow Wayne, and Boring Kris. Last week, sadly, Freaky Eric Fox was eliminated. I was really banking on him making it to the finale. My favorite to win has always been Anthony, so I guess it was good news for me that Freaky got eliminated because he was the only real competition in my mind. However, as they show some of the previous work done by Slow Wayne and Boring Kris, I do have to admit that some of their stuff was pretty impressive.

The first thing we see is each of our artists coming into the kitchen and getting to Skype with their families. Anthony is talking to his parents while the other 2 are talking to their wives and kids (Kris is the only one with kids, but he's 41 so that's fine). Poor Anthony, no wife for you! And he's such a sweet guy! Or at least he seems like one in the hour long episodes I've seen him in.

To the lab! They walk in to tall poles in bright colors. The finale challenge will take place on the biggest stage yet, in Las Vegas at the Wynn. They will be working with the show at the Wynn called Le Reve: The Dream.

It's a show that takes place in a 1,000,000 gallon water tank with acrobats and gymnasts doing all kinds of flips and dives into the water. It looks pretty cool. My first question, of course, is how many of those athlete pee in that pool. The challenge is for the artists to create 2 looks. One is to be a dream thief and the other is the dreamer. The thief is after something the dreamer has. This means that their pieces have to be entirely waterproof. This is the clips we've been seeing for so long. Each of the artists have to pick a theme that's laid before them. Anthony gets to pick first, and he goes for sinister. Slow Wayne goes with supernatural. If that meant I got to have Jensen Ackles and/or Jared Padelecki in the show, I'd sign on immediately! Boring Kris picks ethereal.

Of course they won't be doing this alone, so they bring in the helpers. Freaky, House, Zygote, Meagan, Autumn and Alam walk in. I would go for Freaky first and then maybe take House. Anyone but Autumn. Slow Wayne gets to pick first and he goes with Freaky (good pick). Boring Kris is next and he picks House. Anthony then takes Zygote. It's pretty much going in order of last eliminated. In theory that makes perfect sense. On Project Runway they don't seem to ever figure that out. But there are usually bigger personality clashes on that show. Wayne picks Meagan and Boring Kris takes Alam. Ah! Leaving Anthony with Autumn. Poor guy, his team isn't going to help him much.

Slow Wayne comes up with a concept that his dreamer is growing wings and his thief is after the wings so he can fly back to heaven. Conceptually, that's pretty awesome. Anthony's thief has had his soul ripped out of his chest so he's going after the dreamer's soul. Not bad, but not that original. We don't really hear what Boring Kris's concept is. The artists are trying to keep things sleek and minimalist. That makes sense.They also can't cover the eyes, ears, mouth or nose.

House's back piece looks pretty awesome. Anthony for some unknown reason, gave Autumn responsibility to sculpt a face piece. I wouldn't have let her anywhere NEAR a sculpt at all. She would be purely on fabrication.

Daddy Warbucks and Mac come in for their final walk through ever. Maybe it's just me, and maybe it's a lot of editing, but it doesn't seem like he was THAT helpful over the season. Each of the artists goes on about how incredibly grateful they are for Dadd

y. I just don't get it. He's hardly been a Tim Gunn. Then again, no one is quite like Tim Gunn. Except maybe for RuPaul.

When they  come around to talk to Slow Wayne they're doing test painting on Meagan's arm. That seems like a good idea. They've glued on a piece of nose it looks like and colored her. They'll be able to see how well it stands up against water this way. Smart. But since it's Slow Wayne, chances are his piece won't have any paint on it anyways.

Anthony gets to his piece out of the mold and it has "second skinned" which means that there are air pockets that got in between the layers of the foam. There's also a very thick edge. With it being the finale, he wants to rerun it, but the mold was destroyed so he will have to re-sculpt. "You're gonna resculpt the face? Because of this? Patch it!" That's Autumn's response. And that, my dear, is why you aren't in the finale and he is. He wants his piece perfect. This is the last chance he has to make sure that everything is immaculate for a win. My hate for Autumn is refueled. Get out. You suck. I'd rather have Troy back. Remember how Troy was on the show? It's probably for the best that Anthony is redoing what Autumn did because it was going to look like crap. At least this way it's his look and design. So Anthony tells her to go mold the chest piece. And what does she do? She locks it. It won't open. Anthony could be screwed. If he has to bust the mannequin he won't have another chance to run it if it doesn't work. Somehow, they got it open.  

Boring Kris is having braids in his piece, so they are putting braids in Alam's hair and then leaving room for the hair to go through the bald cap. It's an interesting idea.

End of day. And onto Vegas. I haven't been to Vegas for a long time. Maybe it's time I revisit. It's a city that's by every definition a city of excess. They walk through their villa suite and it's like the whole upper level of the building. It's giant. It makes me want to go on a vacation so bad! No! I vowed no big vacations this year...but maybe just a small one...

They have 4 hours to apply the pieces and then 1 hour for last looks. The models arrive, and they're obviously the acrobats from the show and not our usual models. They said that the acrobats aren't used to wearing these types of appliances. So what do they wear normally? These are some athletic people. My bigger question, is how do decide that that will be your occupation?

Mac comes in and announces it's last looks. Once again, Slow Wayne is doing all his painting in last looks. This shouldn't be a surprise. It wouldn't be a true Slow Wayne piece if he had taken all the time he needed to do his painting. And TIME! The finalists are all thankful for their helpers and all equally nervous.

Mac comes out in an amazing sparkly dress. I want her wardrobe. I know I've said it before, but I have the PERFECT shoes for that dress! She's always so classy, and the best host I've ever seen.

Battlefield Earth came out in full formal attire for the event. I'm willing to bet that he's one of the nicest guys out there. But he tries so hard to portray a badass that it translates to ridiculous. I want to be Ve's friend. Neville doesn't really do much for me.

Boring Kris's ethereal pieces are up first.

I think he did an amazing job on the man. Everything looks sleek and finished. The woman looks sloppy and last minute. The lines are much cleaner on the man. I do like the color contrast though.

Anthony's sinister looks are amazing.

They both look like finished and complete looks. More importantly they look sinister. That thief is pretty damned creepy looking. They also look like they came from the same world, which is important.

Slow Wayne's pieces are up, and once again, they look under painted.

I had to show the wings on the woman because those are really the only interesting pieces on her at all. I think the sculpt on the man is impressive but it gets lost without the paint. Wayne even admits he's in trouble because of the paint. At that point, wouldn't you be resigning yourself to the fact that you lost?

The judges go up for a closer look and they love Boring Kris's man, both of Anthony's pieces and for some reason they love the veining that Wayne did. Battlefield and Ve debate about whether the horns in the back of Slow Wayne's thief should have gone back into the head. I agree with Ve that it was interesting that they buried back into the head.

If you want to watch the actual show that was performed, you can watch it here: http://www.syfy.com/videos/Face%20Off/ It's a cool looking show. I wonder how much the tickets were, and if there's a splash zone. I get that it's cool that it's a 1,000,000 gallon tank, but really...they can't possibly go down that deep, and the tank is pretty damned deep. It all adds to the spectacular aspect, i guess.

All of the make ups hold up. Nothing falls off of anyone. Everyone's paint stayed on, there was no bleeding. So in that respect, all the artists are successful in that. I think we've only seen it once when a piece broke or ripped during the final dance number.

Boring Kris is up first for a critique. He says that the thief is incapable of dreaming so he goes after the dreamer who has beautiful dreams, hence the beautiful colors. They loved his silver color choice. They loved the sculpt. Nothing bad is said.

Anthony next. He gets compliments on the coloring and the paint job. They love how he could make his female look as feminine as she did while there was nothing overly female about her character. "She looked very natural".

Slow Wayne gets props for his sculpt. Neville says he could see some wrinkles and aging that felt real. I also just realized we didn't have an aging challenge this season. They didn't do a lot of things that they normally do in previous seasons. I'm not sure what to do with that. No one got any criticism. I'm assuming that is because it's the finale episode and they want them each to think they have a fighting chance. I'm putting my vote in place now, like I did back in episode one, this is Anthony's win. Neither of the other artists had both pieces look outstanding and amazing.

They judges agree that it was close, but they do have a winner picked out. Battlefield goes through and acknowledges the positive things that each of the artists did. The winner is...

I KNEW IT! It's so exciting for him. Yet, there was no real way any one else was going to compete with him. He was clearly the best. He remains to be humble and wonderful and sweet. Seriously, how is this guy not married? I think I know someone who will scoop him up, and I don't mean me.

Well! That's it, Addicts. Thus ends another season of Face Off. I'm sure season 5 is right around the corner though. Season 4 came very shortly after 3. In case anyone was following, Zygote won Face Off Redemption. That means he won his way back onto season 5, so if you were a fan of Zygote, you'll get to see more! I was surprised. I think he was just a little too young, and given more time to get more experience, he could be a big contender. I just hope they're not going to push him through to be the winner purely because he won Redemption. That would be stupid.

Until season 5!

Hell's Kitchen - Episode 4

Get your knives ready, Addicts! Previously on Hell’s Kitchen, Gina proved to be crazy worthless and left the competition before they even started the military challenge. Good riddance. I was already sick of your face and crazy eyes. The men lost the lobster challenge. At dinner service neither tea m pulled out a win. We also met another random girl I’ve never seen before. I don’t even think we’ve heard her in an interview. Jeremy gets thrown up as cannon fodder again. Mary, Danielle, Jeremy and Christian were sent up for elimination. Christian was sent home.

Bring on the transformers. As much as I hate the intro, I still like the song for the show. The previews and intro take a full 3 minutes. Oh, I forgot. Jeremy was asked to stay behind for a minute because Gordon “wasn’t done yet”. This show is full of a lot of empty threats. He tells him he’s getting worried about him. He tells him not to let his spirit get crushed, and sends him away. He goes back to his team and they ask what Chef had to say. He tells them that he just needs to be more vocal and that the other men talk so much he can’t get a word in “sizewise”. That’s a new one. The men are excited to hear that he’s going to try and speak up more and push more. He even gets applause.

Seriously, WHO ARE YOU!? I don’t even know her name! The girls tell Danielle that if she’s unfamiliar with everything, she needs to speak up and ask for help and direction. Janel seems to be the only girl with a straight head on her shoulders.

The chefs get a phone call to come downstairs to find Gordon with some friends.

He says he’s run a dozen marathons and that he’s organized a 3K in honor of childhood obesity. There’s random Olympiads as part of the runners. The challenge is that the chefs have to feed the runners after the run. The chefs assume they’re running. They’re not. He needs 1 person from each team. The chefs inside can’t start cooking until their runner has returned to the kitchen. He asks for volunteers and picks Mary for the women (who by no means had her hand up). She’s confused. From the men he picks Dan (who was raising his hand). This feels like a set up. Is chef trying to give the men a win? The rest of the chefs are inside prepping the kitchens. The lunch they’re going to eat is all healthy food. The runners are supposed to stop at check points and check in with the kitchen. This seems pointless to me. Mary is panting her way through. 

 The poor girl is not a runner. I’m not either. I feel her pain. Plus she’s running in her chef gear. Dan finished way earlier. This should give them a head start.

Each table is supposed to get a smoothie and salad as an opener. Wyclef decides to screw things up, by searing one side of the salmon ahead of time.

That’s a lot of salmon. It’s also a big waste. Mary finally gets into the kitchen and she’s totally out of it. Again, I can’t blame her. Give her a minute to catch her breath. Susan claims that she makes smoothies every day that she’s a smoothie queen. Every time someone says that about themselves, they immediately screw it up. Gordon yells at her for not pouring the smoothies smoothly enough, that it’s sloppy. That’s kind of a bullshit comment. It’s a smoothie. Susan then hands off the pouring responsibilities to someone else.

The men’s team moves onto entrees. The men are ahead. The women are almost caught up as well. Danielle is taking too long with fries and Gordon is pissed. Now they can move onto entrees as well. This show always makes me hungry. The blue team is confident that they can win. Wyclef brings up salmon and its rawr. Guys, we’re 4 episodes in Gordon hasn’t smashed anything with his hand yet. I’m concerned for his health. Wyclef is mad that his previous attempt to get ahead of the game didn’t work, so he goes and grabs one of the previously seared salmon and starts to cook it again. Gordon isn’t stupid, he figures it out. Gordon calls him out, and Wyclef tries to lie. Dumb bastard, you don’t lie to Gordon. Not to mention there are cameras everywhere. He never admits it. But Gordon shoves him off and puts Jeremy on the fish. It comes down to the last ticket, and the women pull off another win.

They are told to go help the men finish service. They are waiting for one solitary piece of salmon. That’s it. That looks like a lot of chefs trying to cook one piece of fish. It takes all of 4 minutes. As the women’s award, they get to go to wine country on a private jet and have an amazing lunch. Gordon asks then men what the issue is. Old Man Ray says that they’re lost. Michael decides to speak up and ask for the tickets to be read slower. Really? Chef doesn’t give them as much grief for it as I thought he would. They’re punishment is that they have to go clean up the track from the 3K run.

The women are celebrating as they should be, and then men are whining about their challenge. I honestly don’t think it was that bad. There has been worse punishment.

The women also get to make their own wine. Ok, I’m no fool. I’ve seen the video of the woman falling and crushing herself more times than I can count. This is a set up! If you haven’t seen it, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMS0O3kknvk please enjoy! Back in the kitchen, the men all agree they’re tired of losing. The girls walk into the kitchen carrying what looks like pictures of the group and what I can assume is the wine they pressed.

Dinner service time. Michael has stepped up and decided to be a leader for the men. Over on the women’s side Danielle continues to show her lack of understanding. The women tell her that being silent is worse than being wrong. They’d rather have her ask than not. I feel like they would be irritated either way. Dan almost labels the swiss char as watercress. He’s proving to be a whiney bitch. I’m over him and his Dumbo ears. Dan and Michael are having a pissing match already.

Gordon comes into the women’s side and reads it at his normal pace. He goes over to the men’s side and reads it at half the pace. It sounds so ridiculously slow. The red kitchen is going well with their appetizers. Ray sends out a risotto, and yet it comes back for being undercooked from an NBA player. I don’t care enough about the NBA to say who. Gordon asks for the pan it was cooked in.

It doesn’t look good. To be fair, it did get sent out. Ray cooks it over again. He’s just too slow. He can’t keep up with the pace. He won’t last. He does apologize in interview for saying the word shit. It makes me smile.

Jessica is making a huge portion of risotto.  She brings it to the window and Gordon says it’s enough for 5 plates. She says she thought it was for 2. Either way it’s wrong, and it’s a lot. It also took a lot longer to cook that portion so everything else slowed down.

Men move onto entrees. Michael brings up the lamb garnish and Dumbo’s lamb isn’t done. 

Dan fake cries in the interview because Michael is putting up a stink about having to refire the garnish since the lamb isn’t done.  Gordon calls “string bean” back over and the piece is just mauled. It’s tiny and mangled. I understand that Michael is frustrated but come on man. It’s garnish.

The first unknown girl, Jacqueline brings up pink chicken. Really? I think that’s cooking 101. Pink chicken is not ok. She says she needs help slicing the next attempt because her hands are shaking. Her next attempt is accepted though.

The blue kitchen is still waiting on lamb. When Michael how long Dan needs for his lamb, and Dan doesn’t give an immediate answer Michael pushes past everyone and goes to check the oven himself. Gordon calls the two of them into the back room. Surprisingly, Gordon doesn’t have much to add to their conversation. Michael speaks up enough for the both of them and Gordon doesn’t really contribute much. They continue to piss at each other the whole way out. They get sarcastic with each other. It’s annoying and childish.

Danielle sends up a wellington and it’s overcooked. So while Chef is yelling, she immediately runs back to the oven and pulls out new ones.

SHE SPEAKS! Her name is Amanda. Nice to meet you, in episode 4! I think it’s kind of shitty that Gordon yells at her for immediately fixing the mistake. Yes she’s over her head, but she fixed it without giving attitude.

Both kitchens finish dinner service. I’m pretty surprised. I don’t know if they’ve ever finished completely this early before. Gordon says the winning team is, blue. What!? I hardly think that’s true. The men had some pretty terrible moments. I think he just wants to balance out the numbers.

First name getting thrown out is Danielle. Obviously. There was not a chance she wasn’t going to be nominated. Our new friend Amanda says that Jacqueline should be nominated as well for her raw chicken. Nedra, for some reason say s it’s bullshit to nominate Jacqueline. I’m stumped as to why. Nedra says “we is dumb as hell if we vote her off, we is.” No joke, that’s what she said. Danielle gets feisty because she’s still learning the environment and she doesn’t think that it’s fair she be nominated when she’s still learning. To a certain extent, they’re all learning. But they shouldn’t have to wait forever for you to figure it out either. Jessica also gets her name thrown in the ring because of the risotto and her lack of confidence. Nedra piles on as well. Jessica feels betrayed by her team. She should. Over-preparing food seems less offensive than raw chicken.

They go before the sacrificial alter and Danielle is the first offering put up because she doesn’t know how to be a leader. The second nominee is Jessica because she’s in over her head. The all-mighty Gordon doesn’t accept these offerings alone. He calls forth another. Jacqueline gets her ass called to the carpet. Thank you! Chef asks Jessica why her team wants her out. She gives the confidence explanation. Gordon then goes to Nedra and asks her why Jessica isn’t a good team member.

She can’t utter a single word. “Because I want to keep my home-girl around” is what she wanted to say. Where was all your puffery from before? Gordon tells Jessica to get back in line. Ha ha! Danielle tells Chef that it’s just taking her some time to figure out the system and that she’s a damned good chef. Jacqueline says she was born to do this.  “This is what my body is meant to do.” What does that feel like, exactly? Gordon calls Jacqueline’s name first and it’s a fake out. Back in line. Danielle is sent home. It was an obvious choice. She was drowning before she even put on the coat. He tells her that in his mind she never really improved. She’s very sad and at the same time grateful. She’s forgettable.

Gordon tells the women that they did not perform as he expected them to. He’s going to turn up the heat to separate the chefs from the cooks. Piss off. Michael and Dan are both still pissy. Jessica is pissy.

Next week, Jeremy might be going home for medical reasons. Isn’t there usually one who does? Nedra goes off on a crazy tirade.  Jacqueline again tries to serve something life-endangering in a challenge. Chef says he’s going to do something he’s never done before. Which I believe means he’s sending Jacqueline home during a challenge instead of in the kitchen. We shall see!

Bates Motel - Nice town you picked, Norma...

Goood Eeeevening, Addicts. Welcome back to the Bates Motel. Last time we learned it’s really annoying to type/read Norma and Norman. We also learned that there’s a 3^rd son who Mother wants no part of. They bought the motel with the insurance money from the dead dad. There is a weirdly open and accepting group of girls at school, Bradley in particular. Mother was raped by the previous owner of the house/motel and she and Norman killed him and sunk his body in the lake.

We start out with Norman reading the creepy journal he found on the rapist guy.

He seems a little too enthralled with it. Here’s my tricky part. I really like Freddie Highmore as an actor. I think he’s a nice kid. So it’s going to be hard for me to accept him as a creep and bad guy.

Mother hears the doorbell and runs down in a very elegant dressing gown. I love that her clothes are modern, but still reminiscent of the era of the movie. Her visitor is the unwanted son, Dylan, who wants money.

He calls her Mom at the door, but that’s the only time he says that. Otherwise he calls her Norma. Mother and Norman are discussion when Dylan will be leaving since his presence is despised. Norman gives him a dirty look and comment for leaving the bread unwrapped. Dylan says he’s only there because that’s what people do when they have nowhere else to go. They go back home, with their parents. Yeah. I’ve been there, Dylan. But I don’t think I’d go somewhere where I’m openly hated.

The coven are waiting for Norman at the bus stop that is literally at the corner of his property. Bradley asks him he left the party so early. He says he just needed to get home. She suggests that they get together and actually study. There is a car driving erratically and it crashes a few feet away from them. Bradley recognizes it as her dad’s car. They run over and Norman pulls the door open.

It looks like he wandered off the set of The Walking Dead. Sorry, guy. That’s not comfortable. That would for sure leave nightmares in my brain. The cops are back and I’ve sorted them out. Mean cop is Sheriff Romero, and nice cop is Officer Shelby. Romero says that the man in the car owned a warehouse and someone set it on fire. He gets called over to see something else. Dylan says that it’s been an interesting morning. Mother tells him if he’s going to stay he’s going to pitch in. There are some linens she ordered he can go pick up. As she’s walking away, Romero calls her over and shows her a truck. He tells her it belongs to Keith Sommers (the rapist) and asks if she’s seen him anywhere since he hasn’t been home in a few days. She walks away, but he smells blood in the water.

Norman’s class is assigned to pick a classic poem and work with a partner to show how it’s still relevant. Emma storms up and declares they should be partners. When Norman suggests they meet somewhere other than the motel she rushes over him and says she loves the motel, that she’ll be there. I like her, but she’s weird.

Norman goes to visit Bradley and her family at the hospital, you know, since the guy that was burned was her father. He shows up with a flower. I love that it’s a potted flower; it’s not just a bouquet. Bradley’s boyfriend sees Norman and feels his turf being stepped on. He asks why he’s here and takes the flower and says he’ll give it to her. Norman says thank you and then leaves. I want to like you Norman. Don’t disappoint me!

Meanwhile over at the local strip club…

That’s hot man. What!? Why are you crying while sitting stage-side at the strip club? If you’re having a bad day, such a bad day you cry, go home! Dylan is also there and Misty Eyes gets mad. Then he tells him that his boss got into a bad accident and got burned and he probably won’t make it. It’s admirable that you love your boss that much. But really? Beers arrive and the guy pulls out a wad of $100 bills. Dylan asks where he gets that kind of money in a town like this.

Dylan arrives home late with the linen after looking at the ladies boobies. She’s pissed that it’s really late. She yells at Dylan for eating leftovers out of the container. Dylan says he has some anger at her for “skanking around with Norman’s dad”. Ah, so they’re half brothers. Mother tells him that she was 17 and young and that she fell in love with Sam (the Dad). She says “I hate you. You have never had an ounce of kindness for me.” It’s such an odd thing to say to a child. I don’t know why. It makes sense, but it still feels weird. She also says that Norman likes her, he just likes her so they’re close. Also a weird comment. It makes their relationship seem even stranger. Dylan asks her how she got all the money to buy a home, motel and a new car. He said he’s been worried about money since he was conscious. Mother says that Sam sold insurance and that he was well covered. He bids her goodnight, and she yells at him again for calling her Norma.

A rigorous cleaning is underway. Mother wants to make sure that there is no fingerprint, hair, or anything to show that Keith was ever there. The doorbell rings and it’s Emma. Mother is on high alert. She’s not happy. Norman introduces her to Mother, skipping Dylan, prompting him to introduce himself. Mother sits her down and asks her incredibly uncomfortable first-time-meeting questions. “Where do you live? What’s your last name? Is that Italian? Are you ok? I don’t know exactly what CF is, explain it to me. What’s your life expectancy?” Awkward. She’s intense. It’s like she’s weighing the options of whether or not she could let Norman be with her for the 27 years she thinks she has.

 

They talk about The Tiger. A classic, apparently. It’s by William Blake. Thanks, Google! Emma says it talks about how it’s questioning how a God who could make so much beauty could also make harmful and dark things as well. Mother? Are you listening? Emma sees the notebook tucked under the bed and pulls it up despite Norman’s objections. “I don’t care!” She says and laughs. Wtf!? I would never do that to another person. I might see it and wonder what it is, but I wouldn’t say anything out loud! Rude!  She flips through the pictures and calls them amazing. Norman says he found the book in one of the motel rooms. She assures him she’s read a lot of manga, a lot steamier than whatever is in that book. (Sounds like someone else I know, I think she knows who she is)  She asks to borrow it and he says sure.

Another elegant dressing gown. And maybe it’s just me, but that looks like an awfully uncomfortable way to sit. Mother is getting ready for bed. She reveals her bruised leg from her encounter. She hears the doorbell and is thoroughly put out by it. It’s Romero and Shelby. Romero wants to ask her questions, and he seems annoyed that he didn’t ask them inside. He says that there is an eye witness that Keith Sommers was on her property, talking to her. She tries to pull off the excuse that she thought he meant had she ever seen him. And she didn’t realize that “recently” could mean within the last week. She denied that he made any threats towards her in response to buying his property. Good Cop Shelby seems annoyed that the conversation is even happening. When Romero asks if she minds if he takes a look around inside and she says yes she does. He tells her he’s the last guy she should be on the bad side of.Anyone who ever says they mind it the cops come in and look around, is immediately suspect. Why would someone without anything to hide say no? It's not like it's going to bust out forensics right there.

The next day Mother is driving around town and she sees Shelby talking to some guys. She calls him over and turns on the charm. She offers up her wrists for him to arrest her. He jokes with her and tells her not take it personally, because Romero and Sommers have been friends since they were kids. He offers to buy her a cup of coffee and she readily accepts. Some old man asks if he will see Shelby at the Woodchuck tonight. 

He tells Mother that it’s a local festival since the town was founded by loggers and that she should come. He tells her he couldn’t take her as a date, but that they could meet there as a coincidence.

Mother runs into Normans room and asks if her outfit looks like she’s trying too hard. She tells him that the cops have asked questions and that there was a witness saying that they had been seen talking to Keith. (Don’t ask me why, but every time I type Keith, I type Keither. It’s really annoying me) She says she’s going on a “good will mission” since Shelby seems to like them.

Then she decides the other shirt option she brought with her is better. So she decides to take off her shirt and change. In front of her son. Norman looks away because, that’s his mom, and it’s weird. It would be weird enough if she was wearing a normal bra, but she’s wearing come-have-sex-with-me lingerie. She scolds him for looking away because she’s his mother, it’s not like it’s weird or anything. Eww. Norman tells her he doesn’t think she should go. Norman suggests that since it’s a community event he should go too. He doesn’t want her to knock boots.

Switch to a huge boat building warehouse. We meet Gill. The Misty Eyes guy at the strip club introduces Dylan. Gill asks Dylan if he knows how to use a gun, and he says yes.

Time for dinner. Dylan’s phone goes off and it comes up as “The Whore”. He makes a point of answering it and saying, “Hi Norma!” Norman tries to attack him for calling her a whore. He defends her by saying, “She’s a good person, she tries to help me, she’s just not perfect!” Dylan pushes him up against the fridge and warns him not to come after him again.

Norman, don’t do it! You’re a sweet boy. Don’t! But of course, he does. He tries to bash his brother in the head with a meat tenderizer. Dylan ducks out of the way, and punches him. He says, “I told you not to do that” looks disturbed and then walks away. “She’s not a whore” Norman says, to no one. Creepy!

At the Woodchuck, Shelby wins a sawing competition with another partner. Shelby tells Mother how he doesn’t actually suspect her of anything. Mother says weird things keep happening to her since she’s come here. Shelby says nowhere is like this town. He explains that these people are artisian cheese sellers, organic pig farmers, and yet most of the people have million dollar homes, nice cars in a town that was founded by loggers but that ended with the “tree huggers”. Basically saying that everyone in this town is corrupt. She’ll fit in nicely. He says the people in the town deal with things in a different way, but that things get dealt with. She seems a little concerned but excited too.

Mother comes home to find Norman in bed with bruises from the fight. She says that Dylan has to leave, he can’t come in and disrupt their life like this. Norman agrees. When Mother leaves he gets a text from Emma asking him to come to her shop, its important!

This is a strange type of store. He wanders around and finds her at a desk. Norman tells her he fell down the stairs, hence the bruises. She assures him that it’s ok, he doesn’t have to tell her the truth if he doesn’t want to. Norman mentions all the stuffed animals and Emma says her dad is a top taxidermist. Enough about animals, she tells him about the book. 4 girls from China come to America as housemaids and in 7 years they become real citizens. That’s not what happens though; they are forced to have sex with different men every day. One of the girls OD’s and the other 3 are forced to bury her body behind a shed in the woods. After they have been “sampled” the girls are sold into sex slavery.

She takes a particular drawing and says that it’s called “Lady Face” and that it’s a real place, just out of town. She wants to go to the shed, unbury the body so they can know whether it’s real or not. She later lunges at him in a kiss, but doesn’t get much of a response. She looks sad. And then a split second later, “So are you in?” with a smile. He returns the smile and they start to plan.

Dylan puts on an old record and pours a drink. He looks at the only pictures of the family that are up and they’re just of Norman and Mother. He’s nowhere to be found. Mother comes down and complains about the loud music in the middle of the night. She tells him he can’t stay because he’s toxic and that he’s leaving in the morning. Dylan asks her how Sam died. He said he did a lot of research to find them after they moved. He said he had talked to the insurance company and they said how sad it was that Sam died because he was such a good husband and father. This is apparently not how it really was and Dylan leads her to think that he would have no problem exposing the truth. “Just keep the music down.” This is a messed up family, if you hadn’t picked up on that.

Emma, Norman and her orange VW Bug drive out to the woods to find the grave. They find a spot to see Lady Face. The hiking is making her breathless. I would think this would be an extraordinarily bad idea. How are they going to find the shed? That’s a lot of woods. Norman asks if it’s ok that she does this and she says yes.

Wow that’s a bad green screen. Emma says her dad taught her this meditation where your spirit rises above your body above the universe and from there you can look back and see how small you are. She says that this moment makes her feel that way now. They walk around and find a huge pot field. And then there are 2 guys with guns, protectors of the field. They run. You could barely catch your breath when you were walking, how are you going to run!? They hide for a minute and then run again. They run right into the shed.   

They cross the river, get in the Bug and drive away. Not before the two guys with guns have seen her car. I feel like those guys could come into town, figure out which car is hers since it’s so unique and do something about it.

Mother is driving in town and there is a swarm of people. There appears to be a pole with flags on it on fire.

Just kidding. That’s no flag. That’s a body. Is this how Shelby deals with things? This is a disturbing town. It’s no wonder Norman would go on to become the killer he did. Well, I’m still enjoying it, if for no other reason than to see the people that live in town. I already know what will become of Norman and Mother for that matter.