Hello, hello, hello! It’s the final 3, hunties!! I can
hardly believe we’re already at the end of the season! Maybe it’s because it
feels like there’s been such a light air since Coco was killed off. Granted,
Roxxy has taken up the crown of diva-bitch since Coco departed. Previously the
girls had to create 3 different looks using candy! Roxxy once again attacked
Jinkx for things that she had no real grounding in. Jinkx finally had to lip
sync, and she deserved to, against Detox, but it was Detox that sashayed away.
Back in the work room Roxxy is already bitching it up. The
final 3 have all won 2 challenges. Alaska has never had to lip sync yet, which
is impressive, but she’s also worked that shit to perfection! You can choke on
it Roxxy, along with your skin-tight leotards.
It’s the next day and Roxxy comes in to find a note from
Detox left on her stuff. Alaska has one too. Jinkx has nothing. That’s shady to
write notes to someone and not to everyone. Oh no, did I just perpetuate the
ridiculous Valentine’s at school thing? I take it back! But it is mean! Especially
with such a small group left.
Ooo! Girl, you got she-mail! It’s our last moment of
she-mail for the season! How sad! But don’t let that mascara streak too much,
because the show has been renewed for a 6th season. Praise, Ru! Ru
drops a lot of legal terms.
Instead of Ru coming in right after, we get Michelle! Ru is
busy doing something else, so he sent Michelle instead. They’ll be staring in
Ru’s video for The Beginning and they’ll
be shooting a dramatic courtroom scene and will be playing all 3 parts in the
scene. They will also have to prepare a little speech about why they should win
this competition. They’ll get some face time with Gloria Allred as well as
their typical lunch with Ru.
Candis Cayne comes in to do their photography and I do have
say that for just a minute, I really did think that was a woman. And I guess,
to be fair, I wasn’t totally wrong. She’s transgender, so she’s taken some
physical steps to becoming more female. She’s a very TALL woman, that’s for
sure! The girls work with a piece of chiffon and Alaska has no rhythm in her
body, or timing as it would seem. She’s as bow-legged as they come. They then
take some time with a huge fan and having that Hollywood moment. Once again
Alaska can’t seem to figure it out.
We meet Mathu Anderssen again, as always, to direct the
music videos. Is it a requirement that you have a ridiculously spelled name to
be a gay man? He’s taken some pretty awesome pictures as a bearded lady. When
he doesn’t have a Jesus beard, he’s pretty attractive. Anywhoo! This is another
situation where Roxxy could take the cake.
Everyone is curious as to why Alaska wore a fro wig when
they’d worked so hard on their hair-ography. They then have to do their chiffon-ography
and Alaska keeps getting the chiffon over her face and can’t get it out. Poor
thing. I love her so dearly. She also keeps dropping her piece of chiffon and
sort of stops trying at a certain point.
This is Gloria and she’s going to whip my queens into shape
for how to present a persuasive argument about why they should win the whole
she-bang. Alaska is up first and she’s struggling to respond in a timely manner
and gives very generic answers. That she has “the ‘it’factor and star quality”.
She tells Alaska that she needs to have more self confidence.
Ru then has her tic-tac lunch with Jinkx and they talk about
her going to Broadway. Ru digs a little deeper at Jinkx’s past dealing with her
Mom being an alcoholic. It makes Jinkx realize that she plays an older mom type
character to make up for the mom she never had. It’s an interesting concept.
From what I’ve seen of Jinkx post-drag-race, she’s definitely gotten more glamorous
and is becoming what Roxxy wants her to be.
Roxxy meets with Gloria next and she gives this very prim
and proper response about why she should win. Gloria stops her and tells her
she doesn’t want to hear the pageant bullshit! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! YES! She tells
her to keep it real. They talk about obstacles that Roxxy has overcome. She apparently
was going to give up drag because she was tired of the negativity. She overcame
it by realizing her talent is a gift. They talk about how Jinkx needs to stop
being a schtick show and she wants to see beauty from Alaska. Gloria admires
what she has to say but wants her to say it without being catty. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Again, someone else pointed out that she’s a mean girl!
Alaska meets with Mother Ru and they talk about how, if she
won, would she rule as the part of the Royal Couple of Drag. Alaska talks about
how she has a fear of dying because she’s worked so hard for things in her life
and she doesn’t want it to all just go away. She has a special moment where she
talks about the great love between her and Sharon. They’re so damned amazing; I
want to see them perform together! Ru tells
her to not be afraid and to embrace the moment she’s in.
Jinkx is with Gloria and she speaks a bit more eloquently.
Gloria cuts her off and tells her that she’s not talking about what’s wrong
with the other girls. Jinkx says she doesn’t enjoy having to talk negatively
about her competitors. Gloria tells her that’s all well and good that you want
to be positive, but this is not the environment for it.
Ru talks with Roxxy and Roxxy’s main reason she wants to win
is to be the first thick girl to win. Ru tells her that she’s an amazing queen.
That’s all we see of it. Hmm..not too much to say, huh Ru?
The girls are prepared for their courtroom scene. The girls have
to play the witness, defense attorney and prosecutor. Each role should be a distinctly
different character. Ru plays Judge Rudy. When Mathu asks Alaska about one of
her characters, she gives a full background and everyone is enjoying it, except
Roxxy. Roxxy’s witness is just called Roxxy Andrews, whereas the other girls
create whole back stories for each. Roxxy’s characters are all called Roxxy
Andrews. You’re not getting the point.
Once again, Alaska and Jinkx kill the challenge and Roxxy
sucks at it. She also takes about 30 seconds too long to make a spit take.
Mathu has to correct her several times.
The girls get back into the workroom and Roxxy is visibly
pissed off. “I didn’t know a courtroom scene was supposed to be comedy!” She’s
mad because she didn’t come off as funny. She thinks they should’ve taken the
scene seriously? How do you take it seriously? “You’re not 80 years old, you’re
Jinkx Monsoon, playing a character!” You’re such a bitch, I hate you. Jinkx is
aware that she’s just lashing out because she didn’t do well.
The next day they have a debate about whether or not comedy
always has a place in drag. “They’re making fun of drag!” No they’re not, they’re
celebrating it in a way that you can’t! When Jinkx asks Roxxy what her favorite
moment of the show has been she says, “Seeing you be in the bottom 2.” And then
goes about drying her hair so she can’t hear what Jinkx has to say. Roxxy is on
a royal tirade of being a bitch. She admits in interview that this is all about
getting under Jinkx’s skin. Jinkx then asks Alaska the same question and she
laughs and says “Seeing you in the bottom 2.” It’s funny!
Our final runway, hunties!!
Lady in red! No special judges this week, it’s just family.
Roxxy is up first.
The dress is pretty
and the “strap” that turns into a cape like thing is actually pretty
interesting. I feel like it could be a hard dress to get into. I always wonder
what it’s like to try and sit in a dress that’s 100% crystals.
Jinkx is in the middle.
I don’t actually like it very much. It feels like a weird
material and I don’t particularly care for the head piece.
Alaska is last.
She’s got a bit of a booty issue, in my opinion. The dress
is pretty though. It’s a pretty glamorous look for her.
They show the video of each of the queens in their
respective roles as well as the video of the song. The first queen up to be
judged is Roxxy. Michelle says that she came in purely as pageant and she’s
leaving as a perfectly well-rounded queen. Santino thought she did a great job
with the look, but her roles kind of blended together.
Santino thinks Tyler Perry better watch out for Jinkx,
because she can play anyone and everyone. Remember what that used to be Eddie
Murphy’s bit? Ah the days of The Nutty
Professor. Michelle likes the head piece but doesn’t like the dress very
much. It comes off as very prom-ish, but Sanitno loves her face.
Michelle loves Alaska’s dress and performances. She also
thinks the afro was probably not a good choice. Santino compliments her on
being able to stand alone and that she’s not in anyone’s shadow anymore. That
makes Alaska start to get teary. I can’t even imagine how she must feel to hear
that.
The closing arguments begin. Roxxy is up first. She says she
has grace, beauty and professionalism and those are all things the other girls
don’t have. She wants to be a role model to kids and she’s so proud to be thick
and juicy. She couldn’t ever let Ru
down. Jinkx is up and she talks about her past and being an outcast. Drag was
her way of living since she couldn’t live the life she wanted at home. She took
the critiques and listened all while remaining true to who she was. Everything
else is just water off a duck’s back.
Roxxy interrupts before they can move onto Alaska and has an
apology moment. She says that she said some things earlier that were not true
at all, and that she loves Jinkx. “I love you.” Jinkx says nothing. That’s a
cop out, in my opinion. Granted, it could be the work of editor elves, but
still, it’s bullshit.
Alaska then says in an interview she’s really confused
because the challenge was to say why the other 2 shouldn’t be winners, which
neither of the other 2 really did. Alaska gets in a theater sounding voice and
says that Roxxy was once challenged to be a 16 year old but came off as a
tawdry 27 year old tramp. Jinkx also gets read for failing at all 3 looks from
last week. “I am the queen that takes the tragic and turns it into magic.”
She finishes with a flourish. The judges are impressed. The
girls are sent to untuck while the judges deliberate. And they all repeat
themselves. They come up with the fact that Roxxy won the video, Jinkx won the
courtroom scene, and Alaska won the runway defense.
The girls come back and it’s the lip sync for their very
life. Now is not the time to fuck it up! They’ll be singing Ru’s “The Beginning”
just as they did in their music video. I don’t feel like Roxxy does much. She
uses her dress a lot as a prop. But she feels sort of dead in the eyes, but
that could be the huge amount of eyelashes that literally block our view.
Alaska and Jinkx are both equally killing it. No one rips off wigs, no one
takes off dresses. Take notes, future queens. That’s how you lip sync for your
life! Ru announces that he hasn’t made his final decision. We’re going to,
unfortunately, get a live reunion show where our queen will be crowned. We’re
asked to vote by just about every social networking website. We’ll have a recap
episode next week, which I hate watching, so I’m sorry if you’re a fan, but
there won’t be coverage of it. But there will for SURE be coverage of the
reunion show. I can’t wait to see how the girls respond to Selena. I’m sure
Roxxy will get called out.
That’s it though, addicts! That’s the end of the regular
season! I’ve already gone and cast my vote for Jinkx, but I would be just as
happy to see Alaska take the crown. Anyone but mean Boxxy Roxxy Andrews. Am I right?
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