Saturday, February 2, 2013

Project Runway - Spin Out

Previously on the tragedy known as Season Teams of Project Runway, we met a whole bunch of designers, none of whom are excited to be in teams. There's Team Keeping it Real (KIR) and Dream Team. For team KIR, Qaniel won for his beautifully made suit. On Dream team they got rid of Emily's hot mess. I was glad to see such a cocky shit go home first. I wonder how many times they will say that dream team was really having a nightmare.

Onwards and upwards! I still don't know these people by faces, I need names Lifetime. Queeny B tells Morticia she wouldn't have been in the bottom 3 if they hadn't been in teams and all 16 were competing for themselves. Bullshit! That look was bad, all around.

Heidi comes out in a completely appropriate and casual look. Maybe Tim helped her...

Heidi says they'll be keeping their same teams. Everyone on Dream seems a little surprised. I'm confused. I guess I just assumed they would stay in these teams for the remainder of the show. Maybe it if gets too lopsided they'll shuffle some things up like on Hell's Kitchen? Heidi tells them their next challenge will be a ball.

The designers meet Tim at a club called Spin New York. It's a ping pong social club. It's apparently a big deal. It's owned by Susan Sarandon. They are challenged to design new uniforms for the servers and ball boys. The company slogan is "Balls are our business". They will have 3 female uniforms and 2 male uniforms. The winning look will be worn as an actual uniform. The designers spend some time working as ball boys and servers so they'll get an idea of what the actual people that work their go through on a daily basis and what they actually want.

Albino tells his team that he's a natural born leader, and so he's going to step in on this one and take the head honcho position. They start sketching and are realizing that this is the first time being in a team will be crucial, since there are only 5 pieces to make. One of the artists is telling us that he's originally an artist and then somehow made his way to fashion. He finds this challenge not inspiring at all.

Time for Mood. KIR hasn't quite divided up who's doing what pieces. Qaniel decides to work with Layanananan or whatever her name is because she didn't do well in the last challenge, and since they're only as strong as their weakest link, he's trying to help. Bravo, sir. Way to figure out how to make this situation work.

Albino is keeping a close eye on Morticia. I can't blame him. She's not liking it at all. There's a reason, sweetheart. Your look last week sucked.

Joseph wants to put these dudes in polka dots and fabulous prints. Qichard has enough sense to say no. "These guys want to feel confident and sporty and strong. We can't put them in that. " "Well they can still look cute." No offense, but a straight guy doesn't want to wear flamboyant gay outfits. Wearing a work uniform can be bad enough, but it doesn't need to have girls question your sexuality at the same time. He's bugging me. Jason says he's sold these sweaters for $100 a pop, and that he's sold 78 of them.

????? Damn you hipsters. Damn you straight to hell!

KIR seems to just know how to work well together, at least far better than Dream. I don't know if it's because they've figured out the strong need to work with the weak, or if they are just collectively better. Dream is struggling, mostly because of Morticia. I get that she's self conscious of the fact that she's the token old lady, but dude, you were in the bottom, that should knock you down a peg.

Matthew is the artist guy, and he's complaining he's only making jeans. He finds it too basic. Albino is getting involved wherever he can to prevent them from losing. Somehow, James got control of an entire look. He's not even really participating in the group discussion. The team is aware of this, but he just doesn't really respond. I hope he goes home. He bugs me.

Qaniel is giving Layananana some pattern making lessons. She says she graduated from FIT and then did a year internship with Oscar de la Renta. Holy hell! And yet she doesn't quite know how to drape a pant. And Qaniel is self taught. Just goes to show a fancy degree can't make up for actual experience. She admits that she doesn't know everything and she's open to help.

Morticia is making a jacket because they're her favorite things to construct. Albino is overseeing. Morticia calls him out as micromanaging and so he backs off. She's a pain in my ass. She's not the fun loveable old lady that Peach was. Get outta here. Queeny B agrees that Albino is just trying to be helpful, and that Morticia needs it.

They bring in a screen printer to incorporate the logo onto the pieces so the artists don't screw it up royally.

I hope they're keeping in mind that there are actual people that will be of all kinds of sizes and shapes that will be wearing one of these pieces to work every day. Tim comes in to check in with KIR first. He gives his critique and then asks how the team feels about things. Stanley also go a piece to himself. I don't like him right now. Mostly because he's not Stanley from The Office. KIR is smart and made a little harness for their ball boy to put the stick they use so they can have their hands free when they need them. Patricia gets on this tangent that she needs to create a piece that will help her stand out because apparently the judges told her she needed to show them her construction skills. I don't remember that part, since she was in the top three anyways. Tim calls her out for being egotistical. She's defensive. Tim shuts her down.

Dream is next. Queeny B actually is designing a cute little dress for the server. Tim likes the piece as well as the team. I feel like she's gonna get vicious if they keep losing. Artist Matthew is visibly not happy with what he's designing.

Tim asks why do jeans if you're not happy with jeans? Queeny B says they were jokingly talking about doing a kilt. Excuse me? Tell them how horrible that is, Tim. "Actually...I think it's quite interesting." NO! Tim! What are you saying!? I don't know a dude that would willingly wear one that wasn't playing bagpipes or going to a Halloween party. Morticia and Albino get in trouble with their pieces not going together well. Tim's not confident in them.

James's personal critique and Tim says that the shirt is a mess.

I can't disagree. The team doesn't like the color or the proportions and votes to scrap it. James says in an interview, "Where's your faith? Let me finish it and fix it before we just scrap it." Dude, there's no time for finish and then decide. This right now. Tim says they're in trouble. They keep showing this random Thai guy, and then I remember he's actually a designer, he just doesn't get any screen time.

Stanley thinks the kilt is tacky and a bad idea and that Artist Matthew isn't keeping the client in mind, he's thinking of his own vision. I have to agree.

Runway day! Apparently Dream has decided to pull their heads out of their asses and work together. I think it's a little late for that guys. That needed to happen on day one. Moritcia somehow believes that they'll win. Katie is lacking faith in KIR. She doesn't like anyone's look. I'm a pessimistic person, but this girl is just really a Debbie Downer right now. Pointless make up and hair product placement time.

Stanley Hudson uses literally the last minute to cut and sew a new hem on his top, as Tim walks into the room to take them down to the runway. Good gracious. Get outta there!

Heidi's look isn't terrible, but it's not that great either. I'll take eh, over awful though. Susan Sarandon comes out as their guest judge. Tu says she has big boobs. Ha! What has she been doing lately, besides owning ping pong social clubs? More stuff than I was aware of, according to IMDB.

Dream is up first.
Queeny B's look is really good, and if they win, this will be on the top. It's cute and flirty, but functional.

Samantha and Tu made an ok piece. I personally wouldn't be super crazed about wearing a top that showed my bra, but I"m just a small girl from Wisconsin.

James's piece is very blah. It says nothing as a uniform to me. It looks like a surfer dude catching some waves.

Albino and Morticia's piece is perfectly fine. It's a little stuffy, but it's well made. 

Albino and Artist Matthew's kilt looks stupid. Nope. Bottom. The general public isn't going to wear that, and that's who works at that club.

KIR up next, starting off with Layanana and Qaniel. It's cute and flirty. I like the apron effect in the front of the skort.

Stanley's top looks a mess, but maybe it's upposed to fit that way. The pants are pretty basic, but they look good on the model.

Kate and Water Lily is up and the piece isn't very good. If they lose, it could be in the bottom. I don't like the legging with the skirt and the top is dumb for a server

Amanda's piece looks like it would be on someone at the club, not someone working there. I don't get it at all, and she's freaking out because it's so short.

Joseph and Qichard's model looks sporty and fun. I like the pants, but the crotch is pretty low. The harness works great and it's effective. Susan already says she loves this look.

The winning team is team KIR. Dream is pissed. I couldn't handle being on a team like this where you keep getting denied a winning look because the other people on your team suck. This is when people like Evan and Johnny Bananas on The Road Rules/Real World Challenge would start "trimming the fat".

Top looks belong to Qaniel and Layanana, Stanley and Joseph and Qichard.

Qaniel and Layanana get praised for being sexy but not overly sexy, as well as functional. Susan apparently had never heard of a skort in her whole life. Really? Qaniel says since he had immunity the win should go to Layanana if it comes down to it.

Stanley says his top is made of a sweatshirt like material, which is why it looks goofy. They like the logo placement. Susan is pleased and says her guys would wear it happily.

Susan is super happy with the harness the last pair created. Qichard says they put white on top because in the club with the black lightening it can look like you have dandruff if your shirt is black. They can't agree on who would be the true winner, they say it was a true collaboration.

Dream is up for their lashing. Lowest scores belong to James, Albino/Morticia, and Albino/Artist Matthew. James is up first and goes on a rant about how consumers need to see a brand 9 times before they buy it. So that's apparently why he put the logo on the back pockets of the pants. Nina calls the pant length "disturbing". Susan doesn't think he looks like a waiter. Heidi brings up a good point that she doesn't find it appealing or appetizing to see man armpit hair when being served food. When asked he says he had a different top but no one liked it. The team says they did try and help. I feel like no one is speaking up enough here. James didn't want any help.

I do like that he created a little flower on his lapel with those pins though.

Albino and Morticia are told their piece looks like a receptionist at a hotel in the suburbs. Susan agrees that she does look like a hostess, but that's not what they wanted. Zac says it's a nice piece, but it doesn't fit the request. Nina says it looks like something that comes out of a dated catalog. Albino speaks up and says he was the team leader and spent more energy checking in with everyone else and his pieces suffered for it.

Get ready for the scolding for the kilt. Artist Matthew gives his story of how he got to the kilt. Susan says the guys wouldn't wear it and that it was, "ballsy". Heidi laughs way too hard. They all really hate the "balls are my business" label over his actual balls. Zac thinks it's all just too much. Nina says they way too focused on their own vision vs what the client wanted. Zac calls them out that it's kind of bullshit that Artist Matthew is saying he's not really into commercialized fashion.

Winner is Layanananananananana. She's excited. The sass and functionality of the skort won them over. Everyone is safe except for Morticia and James. Both were bottom looks last week as well, so this isn't really surprising. Both are just canon fodder anyways.

Loser is...James. I'm not shocked. It was his time. He's dsiappointed he didn't get to show more. Tim says to Dream that everything on the runway is better than it was yesterday in the runway, so be proud. James doesn't give Tim a hug on his way out, he just kind walks out. Dude, it's Tim Gunn, you hug that man!

He piles up his stuff in one of the most unorganized ways I've seen before. And is he allowed to take the tablet?? I don't remember them giving them to them to keep!!

Next week they for Heidi to wear all over the world somehow. KIR has some issues and apparently Albino crashes and burns. Oh no! Albino!

Til next week!

Top Chef - Chefs at Sea

Previously on Top Chef we were able to bid farewell to Toothsie as she screwed the pooch on the fried chicken challenge. Stefan got called out for ignoring the real challenge and doing whatever the hell he "interpreted" it to be, and Stache added a tally to the smug column as he won with his dearly departed grandfather's fried chicken recipie.

The remaining 5 chef congratulate themselves on making it this far. At what point is it too early for the chefs to say, "final ___"? I feel like final four is really where that phrase needs to start happening, and no earlier. Badma comes in with Tommy C to tell the chefs they have to pack their bags, because they're going on a cruise to Alaska. Jealous! My dad always wanted to take us on an Alaskan cruise, but sadly, he didn't ever get the chance to before he passed away. Some day. I'll get there. Apparently Brooke has a real fear of boats.

The next day the chefs talk about their favorite moments over the course of the season. We learn that Stefan got dropped off a a military school by his mom with no real former warning. Ha! What a fun joke to play on your kid.

Product placement/sponsor placement warning! Celebrity Cruises is playing host. The boat does look pretty amazing. It makes me want to go even more. Brooke really needs to calm down about the whole fear of boats. Cruise ships are not like a row boat. It's a moving city, they're huge. You don't even know you're on the ship unless you're out on the top deck.

Badma meets the chefs in the kitchen with our guest judge, Curtis Stone, the host for Top Chef Masters. Quick fire! They have 2 hours to prepare their dishes. That's an extremely long time for a quickfire. They have to create 200 portions though. There's the other shoe dropping. And their "secret ingredient?" Iceberg lettuce. All the chefs groan and complain because iceberg lettuce is so bland and boring. I think it's a pretty interesting idea. After Badma has been such a royal bitch this season, the mere sight of her pisses me off.

Apparently everything in the ship's kitchen is electric, no flames or gas of any kind. I think it's kind of ridiculous that they don't get an opportunity to figure out how to use the devices before they cook, but hey, it's Top Chef, not the Apprentice as Wolfgang told us last time.

Stefan claims he's a big fan of lettuce and that he wants to make something warm and comforting because it's cold outside. "Padma should have something warm in her mouth." I quote.

Badma and Curtis are up on the lido deck discussing about what he would make with lettuce. Clearly Badma doesn't offer any of her own suggestions because she is good for nothing. Lizzie shows she's her own baddie when Stefan gets a little bit in her territory. I think after getting pushed around so much by John she's learned to stand up for herself. I can't blame her.

Everyone, I think for maybe one person, is putting bacon in their dish. WTF? Am I missing something? I don't think of bacon when I think of lettuce. Then again, I pretty much exclusively think of salad when I think of lettuce, so that's why I'm not a chef.

Seriously, look how beautiful that scenery is!

First up is Stefan.

Curtis says it's an intense flavor. Badma says it's beautiful.


Badma says it has a lot of flavor. Curtis asks if he was afraid the sizing of the portion was a concern. He says not really.


Curtis asks if she would serve it in a restaurant, and she says maybe.


The inspiration was the wedge salad. All they have to say about it? "He walks like a chef. " "He does." That's it.


Badma asks if she is supposed to eat it one bite or two? She struggles to get it all in her mouth and looks ridiculous. I love it.

Curtis thinks all the dishes were really great. The winner is Sheldon. The chefs are released to go do as they please until dinner, which they get to eat rather than make for a difference. Lizzie and Sheldon go get manicures. I wonder if they had to pay for it. I doubt it. Sheldon tells us he loves getting manicures. Stache is a douche and says, "Where I come from, men don't get manicures" and gives an awful wink. Stefan tells the story of losing his virginity on a cruise. Yuck. One of the manicurists is also from South Africa, so she and Lizzie swap stories. Lizzie says that her father was an avid fisherman and that he recently passed away. She's happy to be on a ship going to Alaska. Today is the due date for Stache's baby. The thought of Stache sex is enough to put me off sex for life. That mustache all over your face? I threw up a little bit, just now.

They have dinner at a restaurant on the ship called Qsine. It's very playful and unique. The ceiling lights are lamps that are hung upside down. Their menus are iPads. The chefs start dishing some serious shit. Stache throws some shade at Brooke about the fried chicken. Brooke asks how many challenges he's one, and then he counters asking about Stefan. It's kind of mean, and I don't think they're kidding. The plating at this place is half the fun of eating here.

I would have so much fun there. And then the axe drops. Curtis and Badma come sit at their table. Their challenge tomorrow night is to run dinner service at Qsine. Like they have to make the same food? Cause that's not really interesting. Apparently not. They have to reinvent surf and turf. Apparently putting shrimp on top of steak is a bad idea. I guess it's kind of an old idea, but if it tastes good...then again I could live off fried cheese. Sheldon's advantage for winning is he gets to pick his proteins first, and whatever he picks, no one else gets to use.

The chefs get 30 minutes to pick their ingredients. Sheldon takes his time, and picks a beef tenderloin and lobster tail. Stefan thinks this is a safe option since that's what surf and turf traditionally is. Brooke picks frog legs and mussels. Crazy! The chefs walk through the pantry, which is like the whole bottom of the ship. It's gigantic. Because the ship is out to sea for 10-15 days at a time, they have to bring enough food for the whole durations. So the chefs are a little overwhelmed and kind of have to plan based on their walk and what they find. That would be a fun job, for probably a minute, to be the person in charge of running to get ingredients. The chefs get to pick a crazy plating vessel.

Stache is going to blend scallops to make them into noodles. That's pretty crazy, but I hate to admit it, cool as well. Stefan talks about how close he was to winning on his previous season, so he can't settle for top 5. he setting himself up?

Sheldon is regretting his decision to pick steak of lobster. He's trying to get some redemption from the roller derby challenge where he screwed up the tempura. He says he doesn't want to be the Asian guy who only makes Asian food. Brooke, as I would, bluntly says, "Then stop making Asian food!" He says he's not, and she calls out "bullshit". Finally! Someone else sees it too!

Stefan takes out his pork belly, and it looks burnt to hell. He's apparently super happy with this though. Apparently he really enjoys his pork extra crispie. I think he's having residual fried chicken regrets. Stache's noodles don't set up the way he wants, so he has to try and come up with a plan b. He comes up with making "scrambled scallops". Once again, he's making breakfast. WITH bacon, of course. But once you've blended your protein, your options are limited.

So are they making food for everyone in the restaurant, or just the judges? I can't tell. I think maybe just the judges? Our judges are Hugh Acheson, Hughnibrow,  Tommy C, two of the cruise directors, and the head chef for the ship.

Brooke's offering.

The chefs give her credit for how inventive she was. Hughnibrow says it's very modern and creative. The only negative is one of the parts of her dish was apparently very greasy. She'll be in the top.

Stefan delivers his dish.

They already hate how greasy the sauce is. Tom puts the pork in his mouth and let's out an "Oh my God!" Curtis says this is a cultural thing. He says he loves how crunchy it is, because this is how you would get it in Australia or England. Everyone else is crunching while worrying about how good their dental plan is. Badma gives him credit for the eel and parsnip ravioli.


Tommy C is really impressed. Badma doesn't get enough of the scallop taste. Hughnibrow is impressed that because Stache is a traditionalist chef, that this is a great step forward for him.

Sheldon is frustrated because his tempura didn't set up like he wanted, again. This is looking bad for Sheldon.

They like the plating, but that's about it. Hughnibrow is confused why people continue to think tempura is a good idea. Because when it's done right, it's delicious. That's why. They like the flavor of the beef, but they think it's not a pair that's married well. There's lots of cheesy jokes about how they're not even dating yet.

Lizzie is struggling with the devices in the kitchen. I hope she doesn't go home because she is unfamiliar with how the machines work.

The cabbage doesn't hold up. Everything falls right out of it the minute the fork touches it. They like the flavors, but there were some execution errors. But, judges! It's not her fault!

Judges table. Brooke's up first. They tell her she definitely pushed the boundaries for surf and turf. Tommy C knocks her for the greasy chip thing she served.

Sheldon says he was uninspired by the ingredients and so he didn't like the challenge. Tommy C says, "but you picked the ingredients yourself. You actually got to have first pick!" Sheldon says he picked what he did because he felt he could execute it. Curtis tells him the tempura was almost inedible. Hughnibrow says he didn't reinvent anything.

Stache gets praise for the scrambled scallops as well as his pork belly. Tommy C says he may have been the first person to scramble scallops.

Curtis tells Stefan he couldn't taste the eel at all in his dish. He defends himself that he didn't have enough time to make the sauce not as greasy. Stefan stands behind his extra crunchy concrete known as pork. Curtis tries to say he knew what he was thinking, but no one else liked it.

Lizzie doesn't make any excuses for her cabbage roll. In fact, she doesn't say anything but thank you. The judges don't really have much to say to her, other than they liked the flavors.

The winner is...

Celebrity Cruises is giving her a carribbean cruise. Ha, the one who hates ships is getting a cruise."Maybe this fear of boats thing was all in my head." Isn't that where all fears are? In your head?

Stache and Lizzie are called safe, so it's between Sheldon and Stefan. Who saw this coming!? I would be pretty surprised if they send Sheldon home after all his quickfire and elimination challenges.

Loser is...

HA! So that's all of the previous Top Chef contestants, GONE. I still think it was completely stupid and pointless to bring back these three random players. I'm glad their all dead. Oh, I mean, eliminated.

In case you didn't watch, all you really need to know about Last Chance Kitchen, is that Kristen beat Stefan. I don't know at what point they bring her back into the competition, but she'll be there soon!

Til next time!