Thursday, January 31, 2013

Face Off - Hell Freezes Over

Previously on Face Off the artists got to live out one of my geek-dreams and go to Comic-Con. They were then challenged to create an original superhero. No easy feat, and to be fair, none of them did very well. Anthony won over the more deserved Freaky, while Alam skated by as safe and not-as-good-as-his-brother Wolverine went home.

A few of the artists spend the morning talking about how, at this point, they all just want to see someone win besides Anthony. Well, that’s completely possible, just step up your game and be better!

They are taken to some place in the desert where it’s hellishly hot (ha, you like the word play?)  to meet Mac for their next challenge. There are pitchforks with strange names on them. Mac tells them that the words on each pitchfork are the names of a different demon from different cultures. They will be paired together to make their selected demon. They are pretty excited to get to create the dark creepy characters that they all get a hard on for. Teams are randomly selected. I have to question sometimes if the teams are legitimately random. It’s kind of early in the season for them to have true enemies yet, though so maybe. Apparently though, Meagan is NOT an Autumn fan (join the club!) and is pleading to not be paired up with her. We’ll see how it goes.   Teams are as follows:

Boring Kris and Zygote-Abraxas (Egyptian)
Alam and Anthony-Deumus (Hindu)
House and Meagan-Azi Dahaka (Persian)
Alex and Autumn-Pazuzu (Babylonian)
Katie and Jenna (team red hair)-Eurynome (Greek)
Freaky and Wayne-Chort (Russian)

Some of the artists seem to actually know what the demons are about. The names look like gibberish to me, but I did a little googling to help give a frame of reference of where they come from at least. There’s detailed note on the back of their cards. I feel like maybe they should get some reference pictures, but then again, those might influence their designs too much. They’re all kind of pissed that they have to sit outside in the hot desert and sketch.

Freaky and Wayne are attempting to have animatronics eyes for their character. This could go awesome or be a huge disappointment. The success rate is pretty split on when they try to use any kind of electronics in their pieces on this show. But if anyone could figure it out, it would be Freaky.
So far the sketches all seem to be pretty awesome. Anthony and Alam are trying to go more beauty than dark because that’s the direction everyone seems to be going, but it’s looking kind of exactly like Kali the man eating Goddess. Not Hugh Laurie is surprisingly dominate in their pairing. That’s the kinda partner I’d put with Meagan as well, someone to keep her in check.

Autumn tells Alex how she’s an amazing sculpture. Sculptress?  Is there a gender rule about being able to sculpt clay? Your thought for the day!

It looks terrible so far. Granted, it’s in an early stage, but that’s not a good base. Alex says she’s gonna let her go with it. Yeah, she’s gonna let her hang herself so when they’re in the bottom Autumn takes the hit.

Mac walks in, but doesn’t have Daddy Warbucks with her to give the artists their mentoring. She mentions that many times directors will come to the art department with script changes that change the entire direction of their pieces, and that’s what’s happening today. The artists are freaking out. Just be glad it’s day one guys, this could’ve come on day 2. The change bomb is that hell has frozen over. So instead of being fiery demons, they’re frozen. I find this both cool and dumb. I didn’t see a lot of them going in a strict “hell” theme. So it’s not that they’re changing from fire to ice, it’s just adding some icy elements. Alam better not made some glass shards again.
Day 2. I can’t really tell the red-headed girls apart. They’re sort of the same size, shape and have the same dark eye makeup. It’s confusing. Jenna has been worried because her tumor causes her fingers to be numb almost all the time, so she can’t get a good feel on how hard she’s pushing on the clay because she can’t feel it. She’s worried it will hurt her partner in the long run. I respect that. She’s not worried it will send her home, but her partner.

Daddy Warbucks arrives with Mac. Daddy offers some small tips to each team. They seem to be relatively good tips, things that a random third brain will help a situation. Daddy warns not to waste too much time with the electronics; don’t let the rest of the piece suffer for one element. Freaky touts that this is his specialty. No talk about who he’s worried about or confident in. Jenna has more pain in her hand and she physically can’t do the things she wants. That has to be so frustrating. She says it’s like she’s getting an electrical shock.

Everyone seems to be pretty far behind on what they wanted to accomplish going into day 3. I don’t ever remember so many people casting molds the day of application.

Day of application. I’m always curious about how much of the costume do they actually hand make, or are there pieces already put together they can pick from. With an hour left to go before last looks, Freaky’s piece has no paint on it, and neither does a lot of other people. At last looks, Alex isn’t nearly as confident as Autumn is about their pieces. Ooo man, these paint jobs are pretty gnarly. And what does Freaky do? He breaks the mechanism to make the eyes blink., so all that hard work was for naught. It’s not looking good.
Mac says hey, in a slinky green one-shouldered look. It’s not my favorite, but I would still wear it.

Again! No guest judge! What gives?! Did they blow all their guest judge money on Gimli?
Autumn and Alex-I just look at it with a scrunched up face. It’s not as horrible as I thought, but it’s also not of the same caliber as the other artists on the show. And she was in charge of the sculpt.  Autumn is in love.

House and Meagan-Bad! The paint job is a disaster, and the snake coming out of the hand looks like garbage. It’s sloppy and loose. This is a fail. The model isn’t really selling it either which doesn’t help.

Freaky and Wayne- It blends into the background, which is an issue for my viewing pleasure. The face is creepy and distorted, which is cool looking. The model is a girl which always makes me laugh for some reason. I never picture in my head that the creepy nasty creations have pretty girl models underneath. Maybe I’m sexist in some way…

Jenna and Katie- It’s not very good. The face is pretty bad, but maybe it’s supposed to look that gnarled. I don’t like the weird extended arms to make him a “walker”. I also don’t like that term because walkers are zombies from The Walking Dead and you better be ready to shoot that SOB in the face! I like and hate that they put a Greek ivy headpiece/crown thing on it. The girls know it’s crap.

Boring Kris and Zygote- It’s not bad. The chest piece is pretty awesome. The face feels a little strange to me, but maybe it’s the contacts. And I’m not a fan of the old lady wig they put on him.  But I think it’ll be in the top.

Anthony and Alam- More blending into the background. From far away I wasn’t really a fan, but up close, they did some amazing detail. And it looks clean and well executed. Those feet look very well made. Overall, I don’t really get a demon look, but that kind of was their point. They wanted beauty and she is much prettier than any of the other pieces.

The judges go up for a closer look. They can tell there was no real teamwork on Autumn and Alex’s piece. Battlefield is saying it looks more haggard than he though originally. Autumn sees them spending a lot of time and she says to Alex, “They’re spending a lot of time looking at my wrinkles.” Alex says, “What do you think they’re saying?” Autumn chimes in and says:

Nice guess. They like Freaky’s piece better close up than far away. Battlefield says that this is the first time on this show that someone has done “that” pointing at it. I don’t know what that means. They call Zygote’s goat looking from the top half of the face up.

Teams Meagan/House and Boring/Zygote are claimed to be safe. Hmm…I’m not so sure on this one. I can’t even really call what they’re gonna do on this one.

Anthony and Alam first. They’re in the top. They appreciate the marrying of the demonic theme and the culture theme. Neville congratulates them on their ability to edit and scale back when they need to.

Autumn and Alex (all the A named people first). I just realized how much it looks like their pieces is wearing d diaper.  Ve asks how they feel the piece turned out and Autumn says, “I think he’s just adorable.” Is that really the word you want when describing a demon? Ve says she disagrees and this her face.

They say the face sculpt is rough and looks like it was sculpt with a spoon. Neville says with the wings out it looks like he’s broken and damaged. The only thing they changed with the big twist news was the color pallet. Battlefield says from far away it’s ok, but up close, there’s no way he could put a camera on it.

Wayne and Freaky’s turn. They admit that the animatronics didn’t work, and Neville tells them they have to be so careful with that, but he loves the silhouette. They all love the great detail put into the horns and individual prosthetic pieces. Hearing this, Autumn mumbles, “I must be fucking blind…” because her pieces suck but she thinks they’re amazing, and better than theirs. Battlefield is a fan of extending the head up over the model’s body and letting them see out of the mouth instead of the eyes, it’s something he would have done as well. He scolds them for leaving no time to paint.

Team red-hair describes that their demon is supposed to be covered in sores. They both describe their piece as a hot mess and mention Jenna’s disability with her hand. Battlefield appreciates that they agree that the piece sucks. He says coloring was a big issue. Ve says she doesn’t see any sores at all. “You can fix a bad mold with a good paint job”. Overall, just not good from any of the judges. They weren’t particularly mean, I think because they can appreciate that Jenna’s hand is screwed up.

It’s feeling like someone from Team Red Hair is going home. When describing Autumn’s face sculpt, Battlefield Earth gives us this gem, “When you walk up to that thing, it punches you in the face with how bad it sucks.” Such a loving person.

Winning team is…

Anthony and Alam. Another win for my boy! The one winner is, of course, Anthony. He’s unstoppable. He has one, literally every challenge so far. Granted, we’ve skipped two foundation challenges, but still. Dude is on a roll! I’m glad that at least Freaky has stayed in the top. He and Anthony will definitely make it to the end together.

Loser is…

Poor girl! They do point out that her leg extension and back sculpt were awful as well. Jenna feels terrible and cries for her. They weren’t wrong, but I do feel bad for her. It’s always sad to see someone go home when there’s someone else you hate more that gets to stay over them. I’m looking at you Autumn.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Following - Chapter Two

Previously on our little murder story, Joe Carroll busted out of jail to finish his murder streak from 14 years ago. Ryan Hardy tracked him down again and threw his ass back in jail. The detectives discovered that Jordy, one of Carroll's guards in prison, had become an accomplice and had been learning how to kill from Carroll and was now out on his own doing the dirty work. The "gay" neighbors and the nanny kidnapped Carroll's son, Joey from his ex-wife, Claire.

We last left Jordy at a sorority house where he weaseled his way in to the house with one of the girls saying he wanted to check the house for extra security. That would be tricky. I don't think I'd really be comfortable letting him in the house, but at the same time, he's wearing a uniform. Maybe if I had another gal pal with me...anyways. They go upstairs and Jordy is all kinds of sweaty and excited. He opens the window and pulls out a bag of some kind that's filled with his tools. He says he put it up there earlier. I don't know how or when, but ok. As soon as I saw a knife, my ass would out the door. He might chase me, but he's fatter, thus, slower. I'm out. Then again, I say that while I'm wrapped up snuggly in my blanket far away from men with knives. I'd probably just pee myself in actuality. Jordy says he's been planning this for a long time.

Next we see the police swarming Claire's house and Hardy comes in to comfort her. Hardy tells her that he suspects Denise, the nanny with the sassy pixie cut, is playing a part in the kidnapping, that she's one of Carroll's followers.

The three kidnappers pull up to a very nice looking home and Joey bursts out of the car screaming! One of the men chase him down and catch him and then Joey starts giggling. They tell him the house belongs to a friend of a friend. When Joey asks if he can call his mom now, Denise tells him that his mom told them not to call, and that they were on an adventure. He's pretty adorable.

It's becoming obvious that the "gays" aren't actually gay. The one with the quaffed hair keeps giving lustful glances at Denise. The other one tells Quaff that he everything about kids, and having Joey around is not his idea of enjoyment and that he'd rather snap the kid's neck. AND smooch between Quaff and Denise. Yup, not gay.

Back at headquarters we meet a very smart IT lady that tells Hardy that Denise isn't really her name, and the "gay" neighbors are really named Jacob and Paul. Jacob, being Quaff, and Paul being Anti-Kid. Hardy wanders over to find the lead of the team to hear a conversation about how he needs to be taken off this case before he cracks up like he did the last time. Then we see side-kick-friend-from-rom-coms Annie Parisse, playing Debra Parker, the new lead on the team.

Since Hardy was left alone with Carroll and broke 3 of his fingers, she's now the top bitch. Look out! Parker wants him to be helpful. Hardy wants to be deputized and wants a gun. Parker asks him a variety of questions, none of which Hardy wants to answer. When presented with a picture of Jordy, Hardy says that Carroll used the internet to create, "a following". YES!!! HE SAID IT! Did you guys hear? He said it! He said the title of the show. I can relax now. He also called them a cult. "Let's not use that word, people don't hear it well, " says Parker. They talk about the letter from the last episode. It comes out that Carroll knows that the two of them were boning.

At the sorority house, Jordy killed 3 girls. We find this poor girl.

She's hung up on her bookcase with the words "nevermore" written in blood above her. Hardy and Parker dispute over what words to call Jordy. The point is that these people worship Carroll as some sort of deity. Reily says that Carroll knows where Joey is. Even though he won't tell them where he is, maybe he'd tell his wife; he did ask to speak with her. Hardy doesn't like the idea of his ex-boning friend and her ex-husband being in the same room together. But they're gonna be anyways. Hardy tries to advice Claire on what to say, how to go about getting information.

She walks in the room and while he talks about how lovely she is and how his hands are shaking because she still has that effect on him, she opens with a, "where's my son?" So much for Hardy's advice. Carroll isn't having it. He talks about a vacation they went on a while ago. Then Claire remembers the advice and talks about all the books Joey's reading. Carroll's baiting her. He asks about the letter and wants answers to the questions. She keeps asking about Joey. Then she admits that yes she had an affair with Hardy, after the divorce. Carroll mocks her nobility by waiting til the divorce went through. "Only a proper diddle will do." Awesome. He asks if it was good, the sex. She defiantly says yes. Hardy gets panicky that everyone is hearing about all their sex, the sex he's been covering up for years from the FBI. We get to the last question and she says she doesn't know. "How could I love someone else after what you did," and then she starts slapping and going off.

I don't think this is how she anticipated this going. I can't tell if Carroll is pleased or not with the answers to the questions and how the interview went.

Joey is trying to pick his room. He finds his room because it's made identically to his room at his house. He asks again to call his mom. "Why is my dad such a bad man?" Aww! Poor little pumpkin! I'm sure there are kids out there that actually ask that question. So terrible. He's terrible, Joey, because he stabs out girls eyes, isn't really something you tell a kid. Then We get a glimpse of who "Denise" really is. She tries telling Joey that maybe his dad isn't terrible, maybe people just don't understand him.


2003 at a book signing of Carroll's book. Pixie has long hair, and is clearly infatuated.  She says her name is Emma and that she loved his book.  Specifically the how vivid the imagery was. Carroll then charmingly and super creeper-ly brushes back her hair so it's out of her face. That's only sexy if someone you know does it. Then again, she's got a raging boner for this guy already, so I guess that counts. He says her eyes are so lovely, that she shouldn't "deprive us of them". They discuss whether or not the main heroine of the story died after swimming towards the horizon. He asks her what she thinks and she goes on about how yes, it was beautiful and how only in death did she find hope. Carroll sees he's struck gold. Emma's mom pops in and it's clear she also suddenly has a boner for this guy, but purely based on his looks. I can't blame her. She flirts and says he looks nothing like an author, too handsome for that. A real charmer, this one. Emma is pissed. I'm sensing some tension.

Back at headquarters, they find footage through the prison video that the three kidnappers were in on things together long before they took Joey. They look back and see that "Denise" signed in as Emma the first time she visited Joe. They find her records and go to the house listed as her last known place of residence. They get there and the place is boarded up. Weston tells Hardy he can't try to break in the house, and Hardy says he can because he's not a cop. He busts in a back door and the place is pretty deserted. A couple of old Chinese food boxes on the counter, pizza boxes, but little else. Then he walks into the living room.

It's like Poe exploded onto the walls. Poe was always kind of goofy looking to me, but weirdly handsome as well; distinguished. But in reality his life was pretty thoroughly depressing. He walks into a bedroom that's also got Poe all over the walls. There are also these...

Creepy mask, bro. Hardy sees his book lying on the chair and then he stands up and we see in the mirror another mask, but this time it's attached to a body. "Poe" rushes him, says, "You're not supposed to be here. You know you're gonna die, but not today." Pistol whips him and then runs.

"Good news? No dead puppies!" Oh Weston, you're so cute. Parker starts describing the people that Carroll is using and how he's finding them. How the internet is creating a void in our society. She goes into pretty decent detail about what he makes these people feel. She says she runs the FBI's alternative religion department, that cults are her specialty.

The kidnappers get set up online and find out Jordy killed 3 girls. "Score for the village idiot." Emma asks Paul to go check on Joey in the other room and "be a good wing man". AKA we're gonna bone in here, so get out. She questions if Paul really is straight when he's gone. Jacob defends him by saying it's just been the two of them for a long time, he just needs time to adjust. "This is what Joe wanted." Flashback to Emma showing Carroll her now short hair, so as not to hide her eyes. Carroll tells her about a guy that she should go out with, who turns out to be Jacob. He gives her some ridiculously cheesy lines and eww it's gross.

"We got an update from Rick, the FBI found Emma's house, " Paul tells Jacob. So masked-Poe-guy was Rick. It's a blow to their plan that they found the house. Paul has his panties in a twist because he doesn't really know what the plan is, because Emma is in charge. They argue over Emma and Jacob's relationship. Paul tells Jacob that he's way out of her league. Hmm..perhaps Paul is gay, but was hiding it, while pretending to be gay? Emma hears all this and walks in.

Flashback to Emma and Jacob preparing dinner to have with Emma's cougar Mom. She flirts and hits on Jacob. She tells Emma she can't believe their dating and that Jacob would like the "plain Jane girls". Emma then picks up a knife and stabs her mom in the back with it.

But she was so nice to you! Jacob is proud that she finally did it. Emma watches her die and seems surprised that she could. This is why she's the leader of the gang.

At Emma's house they walk upstairs to find all the names and sketches of the women in Poe's life that had died. There's a picture of Sarah as well. There's also a picture of Emma's mom on the wall. Weston goes and pokes at the wall since there's a bit of discoloration. The panel falls down, and out comes Emma's mom.

Say hi! Hardy saying a body being buried in the walls is like The Black Cat and The Cask of Amontillado. Only, he actually pronounces the L's in Amontillado and it hurts my soul. They also spot a picture of Claire up on the wall. Since all these women have been killed they go to double check that she's safe. The cops swarm the house. They let Claire know about Emma and that she really was duped. That's gotta make you feel dumb! Clarie goes upstairs to go to bed. Before she does a cop checks out the room to make sure it's clear. I'm getting a feeling he's part of the following. The cops are confused about how someone with a low IQ like Jordy could just disappear. Then like a ninja, Jordy comes down from hiding up on the ceiling, behind the cop, and takes him out. So much for my theory about that one being part of the following.

Claire goes about brushing her teeth and then realizes, once Jordy closes the door behind him, that this is a bad situation.

"Can I spit first?" The cops outside are going over blueprints that had been drawn on Emma's walls. There's ones for the closet where they took Sarah out, the garage where the officer was killed, and then they see prints for Claire's basement. They bust in to see Jordy has Claire on a chair, with a gun pointed at her. Jordy is so pleased to see that it's Hardy. Negotiations time! Hardy is the only one allowed in the room. He asks if he can shut the door. Jordy agrees this is a good idea. He looks out into the hallway and Reily gives him a nod. As he closes the door behind him, Reily sneaks a gun into the back of his pants. Crafy!

"I have to kill her, and you have to watch. Those are the rules. Otherwise you have to kill me. And I'm not sure I'm ready to die." He's crying a bit. He says with pride and fear that Carroll picked him specifically to write this chapter and that he can do it anyway he wants to. Hardy suggests that they call Carroll and ask him if this is really what he wants. He tells Jordy there's a phone over by the bed. When he turns his head to look, like lighting fast hands, Hardy pulls the gun and shoots Jordy in the shoulder. Holy Sonic, man!

Parker refuses to let Hardy see Carroll alone, so he goes in with 4 guards instead. Is this going to be a pattern? Each episode ending with a one-on-one with Hardy and Carroll? I'm not sure how I like that. Parker is watching all this on the video in another room. Carroll says he likes to read before he goes to bed, because it helps him sleep, calms him down. Hardy challenges him on the fact that Claire almost died. Carroll says he wanted Hardy to save her, it helps cements the love story in the book. "I have so many surprises waiting for you." Carroll asks him how it feels to be victorious and to have killed the villain. Hardy tells him he didn't actually kill Jordy. Carroll is disappointed and admits this wasn't part of the plan. But it doesn't matter, because he never really knew anything, and he was just a waste anyways.

Hardy is trying to help Claire relax so she can sleep. Are you crazy? How would she ever be able to sleep without the help of some pills? She curls up with one of Joey's stuffed monkeys and just is gone. I guess the exhaustion would take hold after a while. Hardy takes off his jacket and settles in for a long night of watching Claire sleep. Switch to Joey actually sleeping with the same monkey and Paul is looking over him with hate in his eyes. Then he hears some noises down the hall and walks in to see Jacob and Emma doing the naughty. He doesn't say anything, he just sort of watches for a bit. Eww.

Parker walks down the hall with a very large book. A guard opens a window slot and a slot for her to put the book through. It turns out to be Carroll's cell. She hands him a book of the Complete Set of Poe Tales. WTF? He looks confused as well. Is she a follower? What's going on? Is she just messing with his head?

We see a guy standing in line outside a coffee cart when this monstrosity walks up behind him, pours gas all over him and sets him on fire. No one does anything. They just stand there and scream. No one tries to stop him from walking away. WTF people!? He didn't have a gun! Tackle the bastard! Good hell!

End credits. Man! So intense! Let's hope it keeps going this strong.

Til next week!

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Ru Paul's Drag Race - Rupaulywood or Bust

Divas! Season 5 is here! After that lame season of All Stars where they were paired in teams, I'm ready for a real season with some fierce realness! We start with our empty room and we meet our first queen, Detox. She says she's worked with all these celebs. I'm not sure how, but her man face is busted. At least he makes an attractive woman! I would wager a guess that she's had some work done on her face. We meet all the ladies in an assorted order. Detox and Roxxxy have a connection from pageants so they're besties right away.

We meet someone who walks in holding a plastic horse face over hers. It's Alaska, and she's the boy/girlfriend of Sharon Needles, winner from last season. We heard last season that there was some dispute between the two of them because Alaska had auditioned for every season and never made it, and Sharon made it on her first try and won.

We have a token Puerto Rican girl. Her accent isn't as thick as Yara's was, but we'll see how it goes.

ENTER DRAMA! Coco and Alyssa are visibly pissed to see the other. We are going to be subjected to this fight as long as their both on the show. They were both on a pageant together, and she shady shit must've gone down. They haven't spoken in 2 years. Alyssa blames Coco for "backstabbing me, behind my back." Isn't that kind of the point?

She-mail! We get discussion of Beverly Hills and then Ru fakes some orgasm noises and bids farewell. Hello hello hello! Mr. Ru Paul welcomes the ladies and tells them about their prize for the competition. We get a rip off of an America's Next Top Model photo-shoot. Not that it should be a surprise since Mike Ruiz is the photographer, and he's on Top Model all the time. They're in a big tank of water, and are supposed to serve glamor. None of these girls seem to know to hold their breath very well. Does being a drag queen mean you can't swim?

Very attractive.Selena gets some grief for not tucking. I always wondered about that. Do all drag queens tuck all the time? And how long does it take to pee once you're tucked?

Alaska is a big fat whiner. Her massive hair and excessive dress fly up in her face as she goes down and she doesn't know how to stay down, so she just quits. She's not representing that couple very well. I think Sharon would cut the bitch.

"Ok someone forgot to tell them, that black people don't swim!" Oh Coco. Classic.

It's always weird to see them go from queens to boys. Jinx lets it be known that she was napping briefly is that she's narcoleptic. What!? I'm so waiting for this to be funny. And it is. She tries to tell the ladies that it's not like in the movies when they just randomly fall asleep, and then she falls asleep in mid-sentence in her interview. Snore and everything. Oh Jinkxy!

Ru comes in to give the good news to the winner, and that winner is...

Detox! She seems genuinely surprised, but she definitely is one to watch for attitude. She also has gone a bit overboard with tweezing/waxing her eyebrows. They all seem to have either no eye brows or extremely maintained eyebrows, more so than in the previous seasons. It's slightly disturbing.

The girls get on a tour bus and they perform a lip-sync scene to Ru's new song Paulywood! We get snippets with celebrities that will inevitably be judges at some point. They get off the bus and meet Camille Grammer from the Real Housewives. I don't want the show, so she means nothing to me, but the gals are excited. She directs them to the VIP entrance, down the alley. The girls find Ru in this:

He's standing in front of 2 dumpsters, which is their challenge. They have to dumpster dive through assorted fabric/materials and to make a red carpet couture look. "All sales are final." The girls get a minute. Really, like 60 seconds? Cause you better not even try and look, just grab.

I don't know what it is, but every time I see Coco, all I can see is ET. It's a combination of how big and bugey her eyes are, the weird contact colors and the darkness of her skin. That sounds's not. But for real, it freaks me out. I can't look directly into her eyes.

Pushing, shoving, lids falling on girls heads, the girls are ruthless trying to get their materials. Penny Tration (points for the best name) got voted onto the show by fans online, and so she thinks this will help intimidate the girls because "people actually want me on this show".

Roxxxy gets some laughs for her make up dress.

It's what she wears while both applying and removing her dress. Alaska is strutting around completely nude. Shaking her penis. Coco tells us the reason she walked in wearing a horse face is because she is a horse, pointing towards the crotch region. Are we to believe Alaska is, as they say, hung like a horse? I can't even imagine!

Jade gets some jealous looks because she pulls out this long fabric of red glitzy stuff. Alyssa claims they're now mister-sisters. People are throwing some shade by saying she's doing this just to use Jade's fabric. We get some fighting words between Alyssa and Coco. Everyone is curious, and people ask, but no one says anything.

Everyone around the workroom is saying that Alaska is nothing but a bad version of Sharon Needles. Uh oh. Are we already seeing Alaska at the check in desk at LAX? I'm not sure how she'll do.

Serena tells us she's an artist, that she just graduated from art school. and does performance art. She is certainly taking her time, and when Ru comes in, she has little to nothing to show. Ru warns her about the time limits. Serena has only been doing drag for 3 years and is 21 years old. She's gonna get chewed up and spat back out!

Ru comes to see Coco, and this is her outfit so far:

"I just wanna keep it classy!" Ru just kind of stares at her and says, "...yeah..." yikes.

Roxxxy tells us she's lost 70 pounds and that she now is able to show a little bit more body. She's "thick" and self described as juicy.  Good for her! Keep up the good work, mama!

Ru seems a bit concerned about a lot of these looks. There really isn't anyone that he's confident in. The guest judges will be Mike Ruiz and Camille Grammer. Kind of a yawn in my opinion.

Time for the mirror. It must take these queens a good hour to put their face on. I would LOVE to have one of them drag my face out. Alaska admits that she and Sharon have had some vicious fights about her getting onto the show and Alaska getting constantly rejected. Alyssa is an instigator. And she's ugly as a man. BUSTED face. And her voice bugs me. We've got some serious hostility so far. For some random reason, Serena lets out this long held note. She's from Panama and just insults people. She tries to play it off like she's just reading girls, but she's just being mean. "Cover Girl don't cover boy!" Jade! So sassy and awesome.

Runway! Ru looks pretty tonight! The dress is fun, I enjoy it.

Michelle and Santino are back as regular judges. Yay! Gentlemen, start your engines, and may the best woman win!
I'm sorry about the screen grabs. It's hard since they don't stand still very long. 
Roxxxy Andrews- Love the dress. I like the side cut outs and the ruffle down the side.

Jinkx-Eh. It's safe.

Detox-Sassy, sexy, it's a good dress.

Ivy Winters-It's pretty. She says it's all hand stitched! Impressive skills! Not a fan of the hair.

Honey Mahogany-A big gold blob. Not a fan. Hate the "hat"

Jade Jolie-She went a bit crazy with the embellishments. The fabric spoke for itself. She didn't need all the extra.

Alyssa Edwards-Boring. Not exciting. Safe.

Penny Tration-I liked the concept of this look. Her padding is a bit out of whack though.

Coco-Nope. Just tacky.

Vivienne Pinay- Blah, but on the good side of blah.

Alaska-Not bad actually. It looks pretty with the purple underneath. It could've gone way worse. She could hardly walk in it though.

Lineysha Sparx (PR queen)- It's very structured, it looks well made. A good dress. The shoulder piece is actually made of wallpaper. Crazy!

Monica Beverly Hillz-Not red carpet by any means.

Serena Chacha-I just don't really get it. It's sort of like liederhosen.

Girls are that are the S word (safe) are Jinx, Detox, Honey, Monica BH, Vivienne, Alyssa, and Coco. Ru tells them this not acceptable and they need to step it up. This is the only show where I've ever really heard a judge tell people that being safe isn't a compliment.

First critique is for Roxxxy Andrews. Everyone loves the peeks of skin. And the otherall look.

Ivy gets props for the quality of dress. Santino gives her crap saying it looks not enough like it came out of the trash. Santino is one that's never pleased, at least not consistantly.

They get to Jade and the judges all comment how sweet and soft her voice is. She does have the most feminine of the voices. Santino thinks she has too many details, and Jade says it's her very much her style.

Penny gets some shade for the shading on her face. See what I did there? They also don't like her shape in her dress.

Alaska gives her annoying hi. The judges love the look. Michelle thinks she should've had big sparkly earings, because come on! These are are drag queens we're talking about!

Lineysha (I never can remember her name) get love from the judges for the structure and shape of her dress. She says that she made the collar so that if she has to lip sync for her life she can hide her mouth behind it if she doesn't know the words.

Serena gets destroyed for her piece. They think that her body looks like a boys body, there's nothing feminine about it. She's all smiles and takes the critiques well.

Camille really was useless as a judge. She added almost nothing. Then again, neither did Mike. It's all Michelle and Santino, not that I'm complaining, but come on! Camille wasn't even an interesting or funny personality.

Ivy and Alaska are named as safe. Condragulations to Roxxxy! She's gracious in her victory and has immunity for next week. Lineysha is very obviously pissed she's taking second. Serena is up for elimination! She will be joined by Penny Tration, and Jade is saved because of her personality that shone through. Before she trots back with the rest of the girls, Ru offers her one word of advice, "edit". Amen!

Song of the week: Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus. I don't know why, but it bugs me that they picked a brat's song. But that's my own issue. Ooo Penny is sucking big time; she doesn't know the words. She keeps turning her head away from the stage so the judges don't see. As much as I'd like to see Penny stay, I don't think she's gonna. Not knowing the words is a fast ticket home. And I'm right. Serena shante she stays.

It's time for Penny Tration to sashay away. No tears, she keeps head held high. She's not upset, she has no regrets. I appreciate a classy queen.

This is where we get to see what goes on backstage while the top and bottom are being critiqued as well as when the judges are deliberating. So we see Honey, Alyssa, Coco, Monica, Jinkx, and Detox. They speculate who will be LSFYL. They have a session of Serena bashing. Coco and Alyssa don't seem to be able to sit in the same room and not throw daggers.

Apparently Serena is cruising all the queens flirting and seeing who she can make headway with. The other girls don't appreciate it. Alyssa tells us that in Texas, this type of person, the gay men that chase after the barbie doll drag queens, is called a Clown Fucker. They talk about how Serena is sniffin panties, and Coco doesn't seem to understand that they mean figuratively.

They all agree that Roxxxy is gonna be the winner. Monica shares with the girls that she was ready to go home, but Roxxxy convinced her to stay and gave her the confidence to go on. That Roxxxy is a class act.

Peek-a-Ru! The girls move onto the Gold Bar and they get to see everyone's pictures from the tank shoot. I just realized now that Vivienne is also there. She's got zero personality so far. She's not living up to her Asian foresisters of JuJuBee and Manilla. They had personalities for days. She's boring.

The best and worst group enter the Interior Illusions lounge and they discuss what the judges had to say. Serena doesn't agree with the harsh things that they had to say to her. Jade thinks her excuse that there wasn't enough time and tells Serena so. "Don't be a bitch" is what Serena tells us in her interview. Take your own advice, hunty. Jade sort of keeps poking the bear by saying that at least her look is true to who she is, and she can't figure out what Serena's look is. It's very clear no one likes her. Jade says she could eat Serena alive on the runway with Party in the USA. It's all awkward.

In the Gold Bar the girls are saying that Alaska's entrance outfit with the horse face was trash and she would never get a job wearing that table cloth dress.

Detox does not agree. She may be a bit bitchy, but she's honest and upfront. Is she my Raven for season 5?? I can only hope.

Back with our top and bottom gals, they then go into say that Alyssa stole all her ideas for her dress from everyone else. They show clips of this. There are 4 instances where she copies their concept. Roxxxy says she knows Alyssa can't sew, and Alaska says that since she can't come up with her own ideas she takes bits and pieces from everyone else. Penny says she would rather be in the bottom than be safe and "mediocre". At this point the other girls burst in saying, "who're you calling mediocre?" They just sort of stare at each other. Then Raven...I mean Detox says, "So I'm mediocre?" directly to Penny.

Detox isn't having any of it. Very dramatic music. No one says anything. I sense an editing trick. They accuse Alyssa of stealing ideas. This is her face and it's awesome. She just says, "read" in a low voice. I giggled out loud.

Alyssa disagrees. This is clearly where Coco feels the need to jump in. So Alyssa tells her that her looks is just garbage. Everyone else is already tired of the fight.

And that's what we have! What a premier folks! SO much drama already in the first episode! These bitches are out for blood! I am so excited so far! Who's your favorite/most hated? We got a sneak peek of someone being Edith Beale for the Snatch Game and it looked amazing. I can't wait!

As Ru says, if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else? Amen!