Monday, May 13, 2013

Hell's Kitchen - Episode 9

Hi Addicts. Yes I know I’m a terrible recapper. I got super lazy and have been putting things off. I apologize. Things took a sort of ultra spicy burrito running shit at work and I had to sort out a few things before I came back to you. BUT! Hopefully, I’ve worked it out. I also am in the process of trying to find a new job. No I wasn’t fired, but it was a close call. I only have a contract til January of next year anyways, so I’m trying to find one now instead of waiting until December and realizing I’m screwed. So! Moving on and away from my own personal bullshit.

Last time we were together, we saw the women once again destroy the men in a challenge. Even when Chef tries to throw them a bone they always seem to screw it up. Pretty royally. This time Dan’s behavior got the best of him and Chef had enough. The women mopped the floor with the men and then came over and finished their side of the cooking.  Instead of keeping Dan around for ratings he got himself kicked off because there are some things that not even Gordon Ramsey can justify enough.

And now, the continuation of Hell’s Kitchen. Barrett is just beside himself with disappointment. The other chefs totally agree that he sucked big harry mastiff nuts. The team tries to build him up but it doesn’t go over very well.

So Barrett pulls a Britney. Oh my. I think it will look better on him though. The women, meanwhile, are in the kitchen trying to not let themselves get too cocky about their big win the night before. That never goes over well for them.

Chef acknowledges Barrett’s lack of stupid sideburn cut outs on his face. Barrett then reveals his bald head. Chef likes it. Moving away from that, Chef says that tonight is steak night. So their challenge will be showing creativity with steak. This is probably not the thing to watch at 8:00 in the morning. This show always makes me so hungry. I guess it’s better than watching it at lunch time when all I have is a bowl of cream of tomato soup with goldfish crackers. I love me some steak. Gordo asks for the steaks to me made all to medium rare. They each have to use a different cut and make a rub or sauce.

Anthony is going for something he’s never tried before, and that hardly ever works out well. Amanda doesn’t have a clear direction to go. Butcher Mary is making a super sweet sauce that Janel isn’t happy with. Barrett also get a little too comfortable with his meat, rubbing in something black all over it. I wouldn’t do well at this challenge because I’m not very good at cooking steak. I like eating it, but I can’t cook it very well.

Cyndi and Jon are up with porterhouses. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a porterhouse cut of steak. She cooks it perfectly with a tasty rub. Jon cooks it perfectly as well and takes the point with his blackberry sauce. Cyndi seems to be flying under the radar. The filet battle is up next. Is there anyone who doesn’t like a filet mignon? Seriously. I want you to tell me if you don’t like it. It’s Wyclef and Nedra going head to head. Wyclef talks for about 20 minutes about all the ingredients he used and how and in what order. He cooks it perfectly but it’s very sweet. Nedra also cooks it perfectly and Gordon decides to give them both a point. Amanda and Michael each cooked a New York Strip, Fusk’s favorite, and Amanda forgot to use salt and pepper, while Michael overcooked his meat, resulting in no one getting a point. Jacqueline and Anthony present their rib caps, which I’ve never heard of. Anthony’s random banana flavor works out well and they both take home a point, making it 2 to 3 with the men leading. Janel and Barrett show their hanger steaks and Janel goes all Argentine on hers and Fusk and I both soundly approve of that decision. Fusk’s mom grew up in Argentina. I’ll actually be getting some fine Argentine food for my belated birthday celebration on Wednesday! BE  JEALOUS! Barrett over cooks his, so Janel ties it up with 3 a piece.  Of course, it’s all down to one last dish. It’s Butcher Mary against Ray with their ribeyes. Ray’s dish is overdone but it tastes good. Butcher Mary cooked it perfectly but the blackberry is overpowering. The win goes to the red team.

Dudes. Just go home. We all know Janel is going to win anyways, so why are you even still trying? The women win a day by the pool with a 360 degree view of the city. They also get mani/pedis’s. I could use some of those. The men are going to be break down a side of beef. Maybe it’s just me, but I always feel bad when the women lose on this challenge and have to try and cart in a huge side of cow.

No one is happy about it. But can you imagine listening to Dan try and carry this thing into the kitchen and then cutting it up into small pieces? The women all make a big show and dance about walking by them. I always think that’s a bitch move.

The women head to a hotel with a rooftop pool while the men all sort of stare at the cow trying to figure out where to cut and which way to cut. Ray’s advice is to “listen to the cow, it will tell you which way it wants to be separated.”

The women come back into the kitchen and the men are still not done. The sous chef sends them back to the dorms to take a little break. Anthony takes this time tell Ray, Barrett and Michael that they need to step it up and bring their A game. They all own up to that and agree. I’m so shocked! This never happens. There’s usually all kind of fights. Oh wait, Ray starts to get mouthy about it. Oh good, I was starting to think these people were really trying to pull it off that they’re good people. Is anyone else surprised Ray is still around?

Before service even begins, Amanda tells Jacqueline that she wants her to drive the meat station since she’s very unsure of herself with cooking meat to the correct temperature. Really? Then why are you on this show? Tonight there will be a tableside rib-eye served. Wyclef and Susan are sent out to the dining room to get that job done. Chef makes a terrible N*Sync joke that breaks my middle-school aged heart.

The menu is changed up for steak night. The first set of apps for the men are all cold ones, and Barrett already screws it up by frying some crab cakes. What a moron. I like the guy, but he doesn’t have what it takes. I can’t say I’ve had a crab cake. I think I’d like it though. Butcher Mary gets in trouble for not having a slider on the grill when she was supposed to. She cooks it quickly and it goes out, however…

Oh what sweet hell is this. Finding hair in your food is revolting. Lord help you if it’s dark, short and curly. This is a mistake that doesn’t happen often, and Chef is not happy about it at all.

The men have finished their apps and are moving onto entrees. Barrett is drowning in the garnish station. Everyone talks about how hard this station is. It doesn’t sound like it would be, but considering you have to do garnish for both apps and entrees it’s understandable. I love when Ray scolds people in his interview like he’s never screwed the pooch on items before.

Now both teams are on entrees. Susan goes out to the table and Jacqueline tells the girls to wait until they hear back from Susan so everything is timed correctly. However, Susan is already cutting the prime rib and the women haven’t fired a thing. Chef calls them out and Jacqueline is deer in the headlights. Then she decides that maybe not sending out food is a bad way to run the kitchen.

Chef gets on Ray’s case about keeping up with the pace. He and Michael are cooking meat tonight and Michael knows they can’t afford to screw this up. He brings up some meat and Chef feels the need to cut it open to check it out.

Rawr. Look at it. You can actually see that the fat hasn’t even rendered down yet. If you can see the fat is white, it’s not cooked even remotely enough. The fat should be a clear color. Ray admits that he cooked the meat. Chef demands to know if the blue team has any fight left in them, and they all yell like they actually do. Michael decides to take over on the meat.

Butcher Mary keeps telling the meat girls that her bass is ready to go if their filet is. She says it no less than 3 times. Amanda then tells Chef she needs 4 minutes on her steak and that Mary never told her times. Of course the meat Amanda does bring up is rawr and cold. Amanda blames Jacqueline for her telling her that the meat was done. I think if you made a loop of every time Chef says, “Oh my God!” You’d have a whole season’s worth of time. Jacqueline goes to the effort to test the meat herself on the next time and it’s rawr again. 4 of the women get kicked out, which leaves Butcher Mary, Janel and Susan who’s still in the dining room. I’m confused why Cyndi and Nedra get kicked out too. The 3 women unite and get the job done.

Upstairs Amanda is just not handling this well. She even starts to pack her shit. Jacqueline admits that she was the one that was supposed to drive the station. Nedra gets in her face about it, and then Amanda comes in and screams right back at Nedra for screaming. Shit gets loud, folks.

Like I said, loud.

The blue kitchen, who are all still in the kitchen for the time being are trying to send out the table they screwed up before with rawr meat. Ray knows if they’re not perfect, they’re done. Luckily the meat is cooked to Chef’s specifications. The men finish their service all together, while the remaining girls finished what 7 girls couldn’t. The men get the win for service leaving the women to come up with 2 names for elimination.

I will be surprised if it’s anyone but Amanda and Jacqueline. Amanda tries to save Jacqueline’s ass, yet in her own private interview she is adamant that she’s not the weakest chef and should not be the one going home. Damnit, I want a steak right now! The other name that gets thrown around is Butcher Mary for her hair getting in people’s sliders.

Before the sacrificial alter of chefs, Gordon is ready to hear what they have to offer. Amanda’s name gets thrown down first. The second name that everyone is suspensefully waiting for is Jacqueline. Chef has a quippy comment about each of them after their nominated. Chef tells Jacqueline it was her worst performance. Amanda tells Chef how passionate she is about cooking and how much of an asset she is for her team. She apologizes for screwing up the meat. The person called first is Amanda, but she’s told to get back in line.

See ya later, Jacqueline. I’m mostly glad to see you gone so I don’t have to type your super long name anymore. She was worthless anyways. She wasn’t a leader and she was never consistent. I’m glad to see her bug-eyed face walk out the door. Chef warns the ladies to not let this be a trend in their behavior.

Next time we see the chefs making a special meal for a quinceanera. Oh balls.  This is going to terribly wrong, I’m sure. There’s a rumor of sabotage. I’m guessing no one wins next week.

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