We open with Robby Hart’s girlfriend from The Wedding Singer who is now blonde, and it’s a horrible decision. Hannah is interviewing for a job as a free lance writer for a website. Bad Blonde tells her she should have a threesome with people she meets on Craigslist or do coke and write about it. Hannah goes on to describe how she feels about both of those things.
Bad Blonde points to the “sign” on the wall and explains that all of the magic in our lives happens when we’re outside our comfort zone. Somehow this is supposed to convince Hannah to have three-way sex while doing cocaine? K.
Jessa is selling her clothes from her stoop with Shosh and Marnie in tow. Hannah asks where she could get coke from and Marnie says just to ask the guy from her building. So she goes to check him out and this is him.
They discuss Hannah’s new roommate situation and he asks why Marnie moved out. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t talk to my neighbors. I have an Indian and an African American couple that live across the hall, there’s a guy and a girl below me with really loud music occasionally, and the people who smoke down on the ground level. I don’t know names, I don’t know their business, and I like it that way.
Hannah asks him if he has any cocaine, and tells him that she’s not judging him. He tells her he’s clean now. He tells her not to start with it, but he still knows some people who could sell to her.
Flash to Marine’s new job. Some old guys sweet talk to her and she goes to get them a bottle of something and she runs into Booth, that artist that was so hot she felt the need to go masturbate in the bathroom at his gallery opening. He gives her shit for taking this job by saying he finds it so funny that young people today completely give up on the dreams they were so passionate about the minute they have to actually try and come into some conflict. She spouts back at him and then he takes her arm and decides they’re going to go have sex. I didn’t realize it worked that easily for people.
Elijah and Hannah are discussing their adventure with powder. She says she’s super excited to do it, because now that they’ve bought it, the scary/hard part is over. Wow. He warns her it’s not going to be like buying cough medicine and driving around in your mom’s car like you did when you were younger. She says she wants to do it, and “write the fuck out of it”. Ok…awkward. Elijah says they should go dancing. He picks out a hideous outfit for her to wear that’s inspired by a girl he went to school with who had sex with her step-dad and uncle.
They decide waiting around for the proper time to do this coke isn’t really worth it. So they do some now. They start talking about the things they’d really like to do. Elijah says he’d like to visit a prison and raise show dogs. Hannah says she wants to get married in a veil and taste 15 different cakes before hand and learn how to properly write a check. She decides she needs to write this down and Elijah just tells her to “leave her fucking mark!” which means writing the list on the walls.
Cut to the creepiest doll house ever. It turns out it’s the sex-man’s newest piece in his warehouse, where he will bone Marnie. The blood is apparently real, and his next piece he wants to call Children’s Death Games. This guy is everything I hate about artists. There’s never any joy in the world for artists. I’m over it. He goes to show her “the best thing I’ve ever made”. He tells her to get inside. Get inside, where? I’m so confused!
She crawls in and I guess it’s like a little walled in area of TV screens. He plugs it in, and all these scenes of blood, gross things, and violence surround her. She looks for a little bit and then calls for him to let her out. He’s making coffee or something, checks his email and just leaves her in there. She keeps looking, because she has no choice.
He finally lets her out, and says, “What the fuck, man!” He just reaches out and hugs her. Then she says he’s so fucking talented. Eww. Maybe I just don’t understand art, or the art world, but for real? Gross.
The coke twins are tweaked out and can’t seem to figure out what is the appropriate time to walk down stairs to the subway, so they wait, pinned against the railing and then hot foot it down. They make it to the club and then talk about how they’re both individually sexy and sexy together. Hannah genuinely seems to be enjoying herself. She kind of dances away from Elijah down onto the dance floor and he goes to join her. This is apparently happening in the middle of the day. I didn’t know that existed, but I don’t live in New York, so what do I know?
Hannah starts dancing with this other tweaked out kinda guy that’s wearing a yellow mesh shirt. He asks her if she wants to trade shirts, and she says of course! So we get our weekly view of Lena Dunham’s boobs. Elijah says he wants more coke, so they co into the bathroom for some more. And they get all sorts of tweaked. Dancing fiends, lip syncing.
Flash to Booth laying on top of Marnie, naked, and thrusting. Ok, that’s interesting.
There’s a doll that’s staring right at them, it seems to be put there on purpose. He then tells her to look at the doll and describe it to him as he pumps his man stick into her. He makes awkward grunting sex noises. She says that the doll feels sassy but he says no, the doll is sad. He asks if she’s on the pill and as soon as she says yes, he blows the load, rolls off her and she just laughs.
Elijah tells Hannah he “hates when she wears her nipples out in public” but she looks so good right now. They’re on another round of nose candy lines. They tell each other that they love each other so much, they have so many memories together, and Elijah says he wants to be so honest with her (uh oh!) and here it comes. He tells her he had sex with Marnie. Hannah runs out of the bathroom and keeps asking all kinds of question. “Who had sex with whom? Did you have sex in a sexual way? Could you feel her ribs? Could you smell her hair? Did you have an ejaculation?” She starts asking everyone else if they’re super hot. Then tells him he hates her. “I didn’t even cum in her!” is his response.
Text from Hannah to Marnie “Where are you, it’s urgent!” Marnie smirks as she sees naked Booth walk past her (she’s on the toilet, btw, and there’s no door, just a sheer curtain. Nope. Nope. Nope.) and responds that she’s at Booth’s place.
Hannah and Elijah are now in a drugstore (the actual pharmacy kind) and Hannah still just has on the mesh shirt. Gross. I don’t really know what I’d do if I worked there and saw someone like that. She tells Elijah she was supposed to be his last (girlfriend/girl that he slept with). Elijah yells at her that the situation is not actually about her and that she knows little to nothing about it. So Hannah grabs him and kisses him. “When did you eat jerky?” is Elijah’s response. Awesome.
In the midst of the fighting, Coke guy neighbor walks by and Hannah goes to follow him. He says he’s shopping for socks, and he then says he’s been following her to protect her. He looks a little teary. Oh and there it is. Tears. He’s disappointed that he bought her drugs, and asks her to take something off his hands. He bought some heroin when he bought her coke and he says he can’t have it in the house. Elijah gratefully takes the heroin. Hannah is overjoyed to hear that Marnie is with Booth. So they all leave to go over there.
The tweakers all arrive at Booth’s place, and say they need to talk to her about some things. Marine tells her she’s being rude by being there. “Well maybe I don’t care about being polite because it’s a Wednesday night, and I’m alive” as she thumps her chesticles to show her awesomeness. She tells Marnie she’s in the know now about her and Elijah and that she’s not the bad friend; Marine is. She lists all the things she doesn’t want to do with/for Marnie anymore. She badgers Marnie into admitting she’s a bad friend, but she doesn’t care, so just wants her to say it. Elijah says he’s glad it’s out in the open, and Hannah says he’s moving out. Elijah says no, he’s staying. Neighbor guy takes Hannah and they leave. Hannah then makes out with Neighbor guy in the hallway. He asks her if this is ok, as he’s unsure of what’s appropriate. She says it’s ok, but it’s only for tonight; she’s doing this for work. Neighbor guy seems into it. Black out.
We spent the vast majority of this episode submitted to Lena’s mesh-visible breasts. I guess that’s to make up for the last episode which showed no nudity on her behalf? What did you guys think? Does anyone else realize we’re on the 3rd episode and we still have had almost zero screen time from Jenna and barely more than that from Shosh? Are they being phased out?
Til next week!