Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Hells Kitchen - Episode 3

Hi Addicts! Last week on Hells Kitchen, they finished dinner service, but few were left standing. Gina proved to be crazy and a pain in the ass. I hope she doesn't last very long. Sebastian called Wyclef Zachie Wackie and Jeremy proved to be a brat who can't take criticism. Sebastian was the first to have his picture go up in flames. Bring on the transformer intro!

The chefs go back to the dorms and the men are tired of losing. They've lost everything so far. Jeremy claims that he's been humbled by his almost elimination. Nedra says she doesn't like to go to bed angry, so she needs to get something off her chest. She calls Gina out for throwing her under the bus. Gina is not taking this lying down. There's all kinds of yelling. Gina genuinely looks like an unstable person.

She is 49 years old. She's getting sucked into this high school drama like she's 14. She slams the bedroom door so hard a ceiling tile literally falls down. It's going to be a long season with her. I hope it's not another Eliyse.

The chefs are rudely awaken by military men and women. Screaming at their faces, and telling them to go downstairs. Gina is complaining that the girls on her team don't treat her like a team member. They assemble outside. Gordon wishes them good morning and goes to tell them about what's happening. Gina interrupts him. Really? Already? She says she's not going to be staying! WHOA! That didn't last long!

Gordon seems surprised. Gina says she has personal issues with people and she can't stay. So Gordon accepts her decision. I'm glad she's gone. They move along without skipping a beat. The soldiers show them out to get over this wall. It's impressive. I'm 5'. That's it. There's no way in hell I'd get over that wall unless someone pushed me up and pulled me over. So they find out that they now have to get over the wall. The soldiers flip the wall to show that the women actually get a step up. My boyfriend thought this was unfair, but I had to step in and say that in general, women are shorter than men.

It's only fair that we get a slight help up. And it's maybe a 6 inch step, it's not like they get half way up the wall. They have 5 minutes to get their team over the wall and then go into a live lobster cage and pull out as many lobsters as they can. This feels a little like a Real World Challenge (which I'm also addicted to).

Jeremy worked as the baseman to give his team members a leg up over the wall. I don't think he actually went over the wall, but he's helping others. Anthony falls over the wall and rolls his ankle. It looks painful.

The men get 37 lobsters while the women only get 31. The men are super pumped. But they win nothing. This wasn't the real challenge. That was merely an exercise in team work. Poor guys.

The medic comes to check on Anthony and tells him he might need to go to the hospital to see if it's broken. They wrap up his ankle and Anthony pushes through. Shows how much of a pansy Gina is. I gotta give Anthony props for playing through the pain. Gordon tells him he admires his dedication.

Gordon now shows them what their real challenge is. They have to clean as many lobsters as they can. They have to get both claws and knuckles, all six legs, and the tail.

That looks like some delicate work. I didn't even know you could get meat out of the legs. Granted, I don't like lobster, so it's not that shocking that I don't know that. The girls are pumping out lobsters like crazy. They're up by 2 by the time the men put up their first one. They go back and forth and for once it's not a 1 for 1 exchange where it comes down to one dish. There are a lot of things wrong with this show, but that one bugs me the most.

The men get 8 whole lobsters, and the women get 11. A clear winner. The men just can't seem to get it done. That's 3 challenge wins in a row. They get super fresh sushi served on a yacht with massages included. That's not a bad way to spend the day, but I'd substitute the sushi for something else. The men's punishment is to prepare hundreds of pounds of fish. They have to gut it, de-bone, scale and portion the meat.

Nedra comes to the yacht wearing the ugliest hat I've ever seen. Nedra says her woohas were going all over the place. Gordon is genuinely confused and asks for a translation. She apparently refers to her breasts as woohas. In my house, a wooha is a vagina, so I dunno what kinda word she uses to describe that. Gordon seems rather embarrassed that she's given them such a term as well as names.

The blue team gets ready for lunch, which they shouldn't be exicted about. It's always something gross. And it is. Fish-head soup.

I hate fish. In every way. Shrimp is the only seafood I will eat. I think I'd have a nice big glass of water for lunch. The red team is riding high on their wins and enjoying the benefits.

Prep beings and the teams are trying to keep up the pace. Nedra goes over to see how Danielle is doing Frenching the racks of lambs. She tells her she needs to make love to meat. She warns her that Chef is going to be pissed if he sees those. Jeremy over in the blue is being a slow poke and not keeping up the pace with everyone else. He gets defensive very quickly. He's a brat. And not the delicious Wisconsin delicacy.

I'd just like to point out, that once again, that random girl we saw from last week has yet to appear on screen, and we're half way through the episode. And look! Another random girl I've never seen before!

Random celebrities show up on the show and I always wonder how you get to eat there. I know it's just a set, but I wanna know!I want that risotto and that wellington!

Mary tells us she's a butcher but she can cook circles around those girls. Gordon goes to try the risotto the butcher made and is overwhelmed with the white wine. Danielle has the gall to say in an interview that Hells Kitchen is all about making sure everything is done perfectly right the first time. Really? You're the one shitting your pants at the idea of cooking on a brigade.

The men are getting into the weeds with mistakes. Wyclef gets screwed by Christian who cooked scallops way too early. And now that he needs to have them, he can't cook them fast enough. Meanwhile over in the red Dumb Danielle is convinced her risotto is going to better than Mary the Butcher's was. Gordon tastes it and there is still too much wine. Mary outrightly says she thinks it tastes good. Gordon asks Danielle if she has a drinking problem because she should be able to taste the wine. Ja'nel teaches them how to make it right. FYI I'm not going to call her Ja'nel. I will call her Janel. No apostrophe is needed.

Jeremy is a floater this week, meaning he's supposed to help out people who need it. He asks Christian if he needs help with scallops and he says no. Gordon then yells at Jeremy for not helping, and makes the two of them sit at the chefs table in the kitchen and eat the undercooked scallops. Gordon has had enough of the men sucking. So he kicks them all out. I do have to say, I'm disappointed that he has yet to smash something with his palm and send it spraying all over. He's so good at it. But we're 3 episodes in, and it hasn't happened once.

After the women send him a plate of raw lamb, they women are kicked out as well. So no complete dinner service this week. No one is picked as a winning team. Each team is to go pick 2 names that are up for elimination. 

I love that the hot tub is just bubbling away behind them while the men deliberate. Christan's name is thrown out first. And he doesn't deny he screwed up. The next name thrown out is Jeremy because of his slow pace and lack of initiative. He is not taking this well. He fixates on the fact that he lifted his team over the wall for the challenge and that that is what should prove he's a good member to keep around for the kitchen. Umm...that has nothing to do with your cooking abilities. Maybe you should join the army instead?

On the womens side, they decide apps is what killed their momentum. Dumb Danielle doesn't agree.So Janel's suggestions are Mary and Danielle. Mary admits that she screwed up but Danielle just sits there.

I also love that they put Doritos in a fancy container to get away with not just putting a big piece of tape over the label. Classy, Fox. Danielle says there were problems in everyone's station, so it's not just her fault. Susan says that she shouldn't be considered at fault for her lamb to be raw because if the app station had been on time then she would've had more time to cook the lamb. What? No, that's not how it works. She gets pissed and walks away like a child.

Blue teams first nominee is Jeremy. He's not happy again. He again brings up the fact that he helped everyone over the wall and he doesn't know what else his teams wants from him. Next nominee is Christian. Dumb Danielle is up first in the red kitchen with the second nominee being Mary. Lord Ramsey accepts these offerings and brings them all forward.

Mary admits her mistakes and says she fought back. Dumb Danielle says "It's just a lot to grasp". Jeremy says he hasn't had a real opportunity to cook yet. Christian says he's willing to bust his ass for Chef. Danielle and Jeremy get called first, and they go back in line. The person leaving Hells Kitchen is Christian. 2 men down in 2 weeks. It's not looking good for team wang. Gordon tells them it's all about fighting back. Then he tells them to leave but asks Jeremy to stay. Wyclef doesn't care, he's ready for him to go home. He calls Jeremy forward and then

Boo. Way to be a tease Fox. And it's almost never as good as you lead us to believe. Next week Mary apparently disappears somewhere. And Dan doesn't take being bumped well. And Michael says he doesn't care if he goes to jail tonight. Hmm...

There we have it. Until next time!

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