Hola Addicts! Are you hungry for some more Bacon? On the episodes that I’ve neglected, Joe has escaped from prison. We’ve learned that under no circumstances can you trust that anyone is not a follower. As hooked as I got with the show with the first couple of episodes, I’m starting to get worn out by the ever growing numbers of followers. It seems as though there is no real end to how many of them there can be. That’s an issue for me. It was much more believable when there were 6 or 7. But now we’re up to like 35.
Look at that! That’s starting to border on absurd.
Also, they’ve kidnapped Joey and reunited Joe with him. They have Clarie in protective custody and little Mikey Weseton got his ass beat by some key followers trying to get her secure location out of him. He didn’t give it up. So there goes my theory that he was just too sweet to be believed. I’m also still really confused about Agent Parker. Her background story of being raised in a full blown cult gave her some more solid ground to stand on, but her giving that book of Poe stories to Joe still concerns me. Emma and Joe knocked boots and allowed her to live out her greatest fantasy. Jacob and Paul haven’t been seen since Emma deserted them to make a run for the house.
And we dive in! Our FBI agents are being read down by the higher ups from DC. One them sounds surprised that they don’t know where the save haven in. Uh…duh! Why would they be sitting on the phone with you if they knew where the headquarters of crazy-r-us was? They try and describe who the people that are being recruited are. How is that the FBI doesn’t just naturally have an idea of who cult followers are? It’s sort of a boiler plate, right? Or maybe I’ve watched too many episodes of Criminal Minds and other procedural cop shows. The next chapter is about to unfold.
The word comes down that DC is officially taking control. Parker’s new job is to babysit Hardy and keep tabs on him. She’s not happy, but I think she also realizes that without Hardy, none of this is going to get solved.
We then see the mean head lady from Criminal Minds, the one that never understood how the whole process really worked. She walks into her house to find dirty dishes and a strange man laying on her couch.
Paul! And Jacob is behind her. It turns out it’s his mom. And then cut to this crazy.
We get a flashback to 2007 with her visiting Joe in prison. It turns out her husband was cheating on her so she took a shotgun and blew the two cheaters apart. She then cut up the bodies and took them down to Florida. She knows she’ll get caught eventually. Joe tells her about Roderick (the cop and main organizer of things) and that he can take care of her. She tells Joe she knows he loves his wife and that she wants to provide a happy ending with her chapter. Not in the form of a blowjob, but in the form of getting Claire and him together again.
Ok, back to Jacob and Paul. The mom is no fool. She questions him about if he’s killed anyone and if he really is part of the cult. She tells him how miserable life has been for her and her husband since this all happened. She just wants to understand. Jacob seems like kind of a pussy to me. He’s the perfect member for a cult. He’s weak and has no backbone of his own, so he fuses himself to stronger others. This is why he hasn’t actually killed anyone and is so turned on by Emma who has more balls than many of the men.
Hardy gets a phone call and it’s Joe! Well that seems foolish. “Sorry bout your friends…they’re kinda…dead.” Oh Hardy, you know just how to butter a serial killer up. He pokes the bear about Claire and how they both love her and that love hurts. “How much hurt can one man endure. At what point does he break?” Hmm…I’m sensing a theme.
2 random ladies at a diner are debating their order. As one goes to the bathroom, crazy sits down at the table with her companion. She’s fiddling with something in her bag under the table. She tells the diner that she needs to do her a favor; that she needs to tell Ryan Hardy something for her. She does a great job of playing crazy. Whoever this girl is, she’s good. “Sometimes, love hurts.” That’s the message. When the lady comes back from the bathroom she asks who the new girl is and asks what’s in her hands. She says a customized pressurized spear-gun it’s mainly for deep sea fishing. She laughs and then apologizes for laughing and says she’s going to try it out. She then leaves with mean Military lady that kicked the shit out of Weston.
Do you see the dude standing up recording all of that on his camera? And yet, no one tries to stop her? Come on! They’re not even running out, they just walk out. I realize that there’s an element of shock and surprise, but NO ONE even attempts to stop them.
Hardy and Parker show up at the diner and they go and talk to the surviving friend. Hardy hears the message that’s meant for him. And then it comes out that the murdered friend’s name is Claire. Hardy asks her what Claire’s maiden name was. It turns out to be Matthews. Claire Matthews, just like Joe’s wife. Hardy tells the FBI guy that Joe’s wife needs to be kept 100% from seeing any news about this. The new targets are all going to be named Claire Matthews.
Back at Casa Jacob, his mom is trying to treat Paul’s wounds. She apparently used to be a nurse. I can see that. She looks kinda mean, it makes sense. The wound is infected she says. Jacob is leaving another message for Emma. Poor puppy, at what point do you give up? I guess that goes with the theme of how much hurt can you take? Paul has accepted their fate.
Joe is watching the news unfold about the murder by crazy, who apparently is named Amanda. Emma gives Joe the sassy touch on the shoulder. She’s drunk on the crazy juice. She got a taste and she wants more.
She tells Joe she thinks their horizontal monkey dance was worth it. Roderick sees them and Joe tries to deflect. He asks about Jacob and if there’s been any word. This is going to blow up at some point; Emma going to go all Glenn Close on him. I hope he doesn’t own a rabbit…
Back at Jacob’s house, the mean nurse lady tells Jacob that Paul needs to go to a hospital. He needs a blood transfusion, surgery and antibiotics. Nothing she can provide at the house.
Meet the next Claire Matthews. She gets a phone call from someone, who I can only assume is trying to warn her to get to the police. While she’s on the phone there’s a knock on the door and the person outside said it’s the police, looking for Claire Matthews. How perfect! She opens the door, and it’s Amanda. She stabs her and then…
That never turns out well for people. I’m still waiting to see how they’re going to explain that away on season 3 of Sherlock. Oh man! I can’t wait for that!
The FBI got one Claire in custody (besides the wife) and there’s one left in the area. Hardy is convinced that this isn’t so much a ploy to get at him, but a way to lure the wife out of custody and bring her to him.
Mama Nurse keeps trying to get the two men out of her house before her husband gets there. She cals her son a murder and he gets mad. So he asks Paul to tell her the truth. Flashback to the first time Paul, Jacob and Emma plan a murder together. Emma sends Jacob to go with him to kill an innocent girl she’s picked out. This is Paul’s initiation into the group. He tells Jacob about his first kill, and that it was his abusive father. Jacob seems impressed and then Paul says that he was 12 when it happened, and then he pees his pants a little. Paul says Jacob should stab the girl in the trunk first and then he’ll finish her off; this apparently is how they know they can trust each other. Jacob tentatively walks up to the trunk, and Paul starts laughing at him. “You’ve never killed anyone.” Jacob gets defiant. Paul keeps laughing and Jacob drops the knife. So Paul, while laughing, picks it up and finishes the job and says not to worry.
I think Jacob’s worried. Paul tells Mama Nurse that Jacob’s telling the truth when he says he’s never killed anyone.
Emma comes into a room where everyone is drinking, playing pool, watching the boob tube (a phrase I never understood) and she’s only got eyes for Joe.
Roderick comes in and sees her face and asks if she’s bumming. Roderick tells her that he got to be a sheriff because his family is big on public service. So it was a natural fit. He said Joe speaks to his contradictions, that we all have gray areas. He makes it clear he knows they slept together. He likes to poke at beehives. He asks if she even cares about what happened to Jacob. She says she loves him and she wants him here with her. Roderick says he listened to al the voicemails on her phone from him and that they’re all begging her to call back. I see a showdown coming between the two betas in this group.
Jacob gets an email from Roderick with an address and that they’re on their way to come get them. Once again, Mama Nurse says Daddy will be here in 5 minutes, and that if you’re going, go now. Jacob tries to pick Paul up and take him outside, but Paul keeps saying, “No. You owe me!” Flashback to after the trunk murder and Jacob is having a breakdown about watching the murder. Paul comforts him and tells him that Emma doesn’t have to know about what happened. And so the bromance was born. “I want my life to mean something. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” Paul tells Jacob he loves him.
Paul struggles when the air is gone. Amazing that even though to his core he was resolute that he wanted to die, his body still was saying, “umm…we didn’t agree to this!” Jacob is clearly effected by murdering his friend and lover.
The last Clarie Matthews has been discovered to be at some sort of Mardi Gras party.
She meets some weird guy and he takes her aside. Uh oh. How on earth do you think you’re gonna find one girl with hundreds of people, in masks, with strobe lights? They spot mean Military lady (Louise) and follow her. The random guy that took away Claire says, “Is your last name Matthews? The police are looking for you. You should find somebody! There’s a woman killing people named Claire Matthews.” Aww, he turned out to be a good guy. They spot Amanda and she chargers after them. She stabs the good Samaritan. Hardy spots Louise and runs after her, who’s running after Amanda, who’s running after Claire Matthews. Claire runs into a cop and then Louise shoots him. So she runs into an abandoned building. This is starting to feel like this week’s Walking Dead. Get into the Governor’s truck! How hard is that to understand you moron!? Sorry. Sidetracked.
Louise taunts Hardy when he pulls a gun on her. She says she doesn’t think he have the
What “the” is, we don’t find out, because he straight up shoots her ass. Boom! Done! Good. I didn’t like her. That was awesome, I have to admit. Now becomes the game of cat and mouse. Granted, I’ve never been chased into a building with a murder on my ass, but I think if it was me, I’d find a hiding spot and stay there. Sure being stationary could be dangerous, but at least I’d be quiet and not make any noise at all. Amanda grabs a nail gun and fires a shot at Hardy. My boyfriend was quick to let me know that that’s not really how a nail gun works, it wouldn’t shoot out like that, let alone penetrate the skin. (I apologize for using the word penetrate) He runs and finds Amanda has the nail gun to Claire’s head.
She has Hardy drop the gun and kick it away. She says that Ryan has to be punished because he slept with Joe’s wife and she doesn’t take that sort of thing lightly. She’s so calm and rational while she’s murdering. Seriously. Marin Ireland. Great actress. The FBI all magically show up and they’re all told to stay back. “Joe gets a happy ending. You don’t get one. Cheaters don’t get one.” She asks why he did what he did, and Hardy says because he loves Claire. Amanda thanks him for being very honest. He sweet talks his way to walking closer and is trying to get her to kill him instead. So pulls her arm up to shoot him and of course he grabs her before she can.
Roderick tells Joe that they’ve found the agent who’s in charge of personal security for Claire and that they’ve found her location to the nearest cell phone tower. Joe gets a little hard on at that information.
Parker tells Hardy that the investigation is being moved to DC and that she feels like a failure because of it. He tells her she’s not. Sweet Ryan. The FBI guy seems shocked that he’s still hung up on Claire and calls it twisted. I’m not really sure it’s twisted. And to be fair, they did wait until after she was officially divorced before boning. So technically, not a cheater.
Emma is pouring some whiskey and she gets a girly smile on her face when she hears the door open. She thinks its Joe, but then turns and sees Roderick. He tells her that today he received a very exciting email and that the wanted to surprise her with it. They walk out.
“Hello, Emma.” Killer Jacob is here! Oh man! It’s gonna be all kinds of awkward in that house. I’m pretty sure that’s not an argument she’s every going to win. Next week I believe is the big Claire kidnapping attempt. We’ll see how many people die next Monday!