Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Hell's Kitchen - Episode 4

Get your knives ready, Addicts! Previously on Hell’s Kitchen, Gina proved to be crazy worthless and left the competition before they even started the military challenge. Good riddance. I was already sick of your face and crazy eyes. The men lost the lobster challenge. At dinner service neither tea m pulled out a win. We also met another random girl I’ve never seen before. I don’t even think we’ve heard her in an interview. Jeremy gets thrown up as cannon fodder again. Mary, Danielle, Jeremy and Christian were sent up for elimination. Christian was sent home.

Bring on the transformers. As much as I hate the intro, I still like the song for the show. The previews and intro take a full 3 minutes. Oh, I forgot. Jeremy was asked to stay behind for a minute because Gordon “wasn’t done yet”. This show is full of a lot of empty threats. He tells him he’s getting worried about him. He tells him not to let his spirit get crushed, and sends him away. He goes back to his team and they ask what Chef had to say. He tells them that he just needs to be more vocal and that the other men talk so much he can’t get a word in “sizewise”. That’s a new one. The men are excited to hear that he’s going to try and speak up more and push more. He even gets applause.

Seriously, WHO ARE YOU!? I don’t even know her name! The girls tell Danielle that if she’s unfamiliar with everything, she needs to speak up and ask for help and direction. Janel seems to be the only girl with a straight head on her shoulders.
The chefs get a phone call to come downstairs to find Gordon with some friends.

He says he’s run a dozen marathons and that he’s organized a 3K in honor of childhood obesity. There’s random Olympiads as part of the runners. The challenge is that the chefs have to feed the runners after the run. The chefs assume they’re running. They’re not. He needs 1 person from each team. The chefs inside can’t start cooking until their runner has returned to the kitchen. He asks for volunteers and picks Mary for the women (who by no means had her hand up). She’s confused. From the men he picks Dan (who was raising his hand). This feels like a set up. Is chef trying to give the men a win? The rest of the chefs are inside prepping the kitchens. The lunch they’re going to eat is all healthy food. The runners are supposed to stop at check points and check in with the kitchen. This seems pointless to me. Mary is panting her way through. 
 The poor girl is not a runner. I’m not either. I feel her pain. Plus she’s running in her chef gear. Dan finished way earlier. This should give them a head start.

Each table is supposed to get a smoothie and salad as an opener. Wyclef decides to screw things up, by searing one side of the salmon ahead of time.

That’s a lot of salmon. It’s also a big waste. Mary finally gets into the kitchen and she’s totally out of it. Again, I can’t blame her. Give her a minute to catch her breath. Susan claims that she makes smoothies every day that she’s a smoothie queen. Every time someone says that about themselves, they immediately screw it up. Gordon yells at her for not pouring the smoothies smoothly enough, that it’s sloppy. That’s kind of a bullshit comment. It’s a smoothie. Susan then hands off the pouring responsibilities to someone else.

The men’s team moves onto entrees. The men are ahead. The women are almost caught up as well. Danielle is taking too long with fries and Gordon is pissed. Now they can move onto entrees as well. This show always makes me hungry. The blue team is confident that they can win. Wyclef brings up salmon and its rawr. Guys, we’re 4 episodes in Gordon hasn’t smashed anything with his hand yet. I’m concerned for his health. Wyclef is mad that his previous attempt to get ahead of the game didn’t work, so he goes and grabs one of the previously seared salmon and starts to cook it again. Gordon isn’t stupid, he figures it out. Gordon calls him out, and Wyclef tries to lie. Dumb bastard, you don’t lie to Gordon. Not to mention there are cameras everywhere. He never admits it. But Gordon shoves him off and puts Jeremy on the fish. It comes down to the last ticket, and the women pull off another win.

They are told to go help the men finish service. They are waiting for one solitary piece of salmon. That’s it. That looks like a lot of chefs trying to cook one piece of fish. It takes all of 4 minutes. As the women’s award, they get to go to wine country on a private jet and have an amazing lunch. Gordon asks then men what the issue is. Old Man Ray says that they’re lost. Michael decides to speak up and ask for the tickets to be read slower. Really? Chef doesn’t give them as much grief for it as I thought he would. They’re punishment is that they have to go clean up the track from the 3K run.

The women are celebrating as they should be, and then men are whining about their challenge. I honestly don’t think it was that bad. There has been worse punishment.

The women also get to make their own wine. Ok, I’m no fool. I’ve seen the video of the woman falling and crushing herself more times than I can count. This is a set up! If you haven’t seen it, please enjoy! Back in the kitchen, the men all agree they’re tired of losing. The girls walk into the kitchen carrying what looks like pictures of the group and what I can assume is the wine they pressed.

Dinner service time. Michael has stepped up and decided to be a leader for the men. Over on the women’s side Danielle continues to show her lack of understanding. The women tell her that being silent is worse than being wrong. They’d rather have her ask than not. I feel like they would be irritated either way. Dan almost labels the swiss char as watercress. He’s proving to be a whiney bitch. I’m over him and his Dumbo ears. Dan and Michael are having a pissing match already.

Gordon comes into the women’s side and reads it at his normal pace. He goes over to the men’s side and reads it at half the pace. It sounds so ridiculously slow. The red kitchen is going well with their appetizers. Ray sends out a risotto, and yet it comes back for being undercooked from an NBA player. I don’t care enough about the NBA to say who. Gordon asks for the pan it was cooked in.

It doesn’t look good. To be fair, it did get sent out. Ray cooks it over again. He’s just too slow. He can’t keep up with the pace. He won’t last. He does apologize in interview for saying the word shit. It makes me smile.

Jessica is making a huge portion of risotto.  She brings it to the window and Gordon says it’s enough for 5 plates. She says she thought it was for 2. Either way it’s wrong, and it’s a lot. It also took a lot longer to cook that portion so everything else slowed down.

Men move onto entrees. Michael brings up the lamb garnish and Dumbo’s lamb isn’t done. 

Dan fake cries in the interview because Michael is putting up a stink about having to refire the garnish since the lamb isn’t done.  Gordon calls “string bean” back over and the piece is just mauled. It’s tiny and mangled. I understand that Michael is frustrated but come on man. It’s garnish.
The first unknown girl, Jacqueline brings up pink chicken. Really? I think that’s cooking 101. Pink chicken is not ok. She says she needs help slicing the next attempt because her hands are shaking. Her next attempt is accepted though.

The blue kitchen is still waiting on lamb. When Michael how long Dan needs for his lamb, and Dan doesn’t give an immediate answer Michael pushes past everyone and goes to check the oven himself. Gordon calls the two of them into the back room. Surprisingly, Gordon doesn’t have much to add to their conversation. Michael speaks up enough for the both of them and Gordon doesn’t really contribute much. They continue to piss at each other the whole way out. They get sarcastic with each other. It’s annoying and childish.
Danielle sends up a wellington and it’s overcooked. So while Chef is yelling, she immediately runs back to the oven and pulls out new ones.

SHE SPEAKS! Her name is Amanda. Nice to meet you, in episode 4! I think it’s kind of shitty that Gordon yells at her for immediately fixing the mistake. Yes she’s over her head, but she fixed it without giving attitude.
Both kitchens finish dinner service. I’m pretty surprised. I don’t know if they’ve ever finished completely this early before. Gordon says the winning team is, blue. What!? I hardly think that’s true. The men had some pretty terrible moments. I think he just wants to balance out the numbers.

First name getting thrown out is Danielle. Obviously. There was not a chance she wasn’t going to be nominated. Our new friend Amanda says that Jacqueline should be nominated as well for her raw chicken. Nedra, for some reason say s it’s bullshit to nominate Jacqueline. I’m stumped as to why. Nedra says “we is dumb as hell if we vote her off, we is.” No joke, that’s what she said. Danielle gets feisty because she’s still learning the environment and she doesn’t think that it’s fair she be nominated when she’s still learning. To a certain extent, they’re all learning. But they shouldn’t have to wait forever for you to figure it out either. Jessica also gets her name thrown in the ring because of the risotto and her lack of confidence. Nedra piles on as well. Jessica feels betrayed by her team. She should. Over-preparing food seems less offensive than raw chicken.

They go before the sacrificial alter and Danielle is the first offering put up because she doesn’t know how to be a leader. The second nominee is Jessica because she’s in over her head. The all-mighty Gordon doesn’t accept these offerings alone. He calls forth another. Jacqueline gets her ass called to the carpet. Thank you! Chef asks Jessica why her team wants her out. She gives the confidence explanation. Gordon then goes to Nedra and asks her why Jessica isn’t a good team member.

She can’t utter a single word. “Because I want to keep my home-girl around” is what she wanted to say. Where was all your puffery from before? Gordon tells Jessica to get back in line. Ha ha! Danielle tells Chef that it’s just taking her some time to figure out the system and that she’s a damned good chef. Jacqueline says she was born to do this.  “This is what my body is meant to do.” What does that feel like, exactly? Gordon calls Jacqueline’s name first and it’s a fake out. Back in line. Danielle is sent home. It was an obvious choice. She was drowning before she even put on the coat. He tells her that in his mind she never really improved. She’s very sad and at the same time grateful. She’s forgettable.
Gordon tells the women that they did not perform as he expected them to. He’s going to turn up the heat to separate the chefs from the cooks. Piss off. Michael and Dan are both still pissy. Jessica is pissy.
Next week, Jeremy might be going home for medical reasons. Isn’t there usually one who does? Nedra goes off on a crazy tirade.  Jacqueline again tries to serve something life-endangering in a challenge. Chef says he’s going to do something he’s never done before. Which I believe means he’s sending Jacqueline home during a challenge instead of in the kitchen. We shall see!

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