Monday, April 22, 2013

Hell's Kitchen - Episode 7

Previously on Hell’s Kitchen I did a half-assed recap because two baby boys were taking all my attention! But I shall not complain, they are adorable and way cuter than your kids! Ha. We saw Jeremy get sent packing because he was true cannon fodder, and even though the men won even Gordon couldn’t take his shit anymore. The men were relieved. The women’s meat station took a shit with Butcher Mary and Nedra and the women were kicked out. Ray and Dan took a shit on the fish station and they got kicked out. We got so close to get smashed rawr food, but we didn’t get it. STILL! I think production told him to stop doing that. All 4 of those people were sent up and had their jackets taken away. We’re all just waiting for the double swap instead of the single person swap from one team to the other. Right? What else could they do?

Every time I watch the credits I just shake my head at how long they are. We’re still waiting to hear what has never been done before. He’s putting the 4 of them on probation. What? They have to earn back their coat by the end of dinner service of they’re gone. Well, to be fair, that is something new. You pulled a fast one on me, Fox. The women tease Mary that she’s a cat with 9 lives since she’s been here so many times. The men are all tired of Dan, just like me.

Look at those skinny little nothing arms! WOW! I’m by no means muscular, but I have bigger muscles in my arms than that guy does! He’s cocky and sure of himself that he’ll get his coat back. I sure hope he doesn’t. I hate him. Everyone does.

Today’s mini challenge is going to be all about Chinese food since all the decorations are of that culture. Wyclef tells that that people from the hood like Chinese food. The chefs will be making their own versions of Asian dishes. Dan says he lived in Asia for a year, so this is no problem. Where in Asia, I’d like to know. There is a pile of 200 fortune cookies and there are names of ingredients inside them. Using chopsticks they have to carry the cookies to the tables and 2 people are responsible for putting the ingredients under each dish they belong to. The chefs think that the cookies they see in the small jars are what they’re going to have to open for ingredients. No, but before we see what they do have to use, the “statue” roars at Susan as she goes to get a pair of chopsticks.

 She falls on the floor and it’s hilarious. She laughs at herself, thank goodness. Chef laughs at her too.

These huge cookies are what they have to carry instead. They start to panic a little bit. The cookies are color coded with proteins and vegetables and the such. Janel and Jacqueline will be putting the ingredients up on the board while Dan and Ray will be putting them up for the men. They have 3 minutes to put up 5 ingredients for the 6 dishes. It’s all sort of a cluster and the women are realizing that they only have 4 ingredients on some of the dishes instead of 5. They could be in trouble. 5 out of the 6 only have 4 ingredients. They have 45 minutes to cook the 6 dishes.

Anthony has never cooked Asian food before. So he’s trying to eat things as he cooks them. He’s very nervous and is asking for a lot of help. Wouldn’t you rather have him ask for help than make a shitty dish and turn it in?

Our guest judge is one of my favorites, Martin Yen! I used to watch him when I was poor and in college. Now I’m just poor. But I always laugh when he calls things beautiful. It makes me smile. He didn’t say it when he guest judged on Top Chef and I’m hoping he doesn’t let me down again.

Fried rice dish is up first. Dan vs Jacqueline. Point goes to the women. Stir fry is Jon vs Jessica. Point goes to men. 1-1. Spring roll is Nedra vs Barrett. Point to the men. Dumpling is Cyndi vs Ray with the point going to the women. Soup is Janel vs Michael with the point going to both. So it’s 3-3, of course. The chow mein is Susan vs Anthony. This is the one he was so worried about. The win goes to the men, giving them their very first mini challenge win. They are elated. Dan and Ray also get their jackets back, so they’re safe. The men don’t find out what their reward is, it’s supposed to be a surprise. The women’s punishment is just going to be a lot of prep work and cleaning of the kitchens. The men go through and brag about their win like the women did to them.

The men get to their reward and its paintballing. I’m always curious if the reward is ever changed based on the sex of the winner. Would the women still go paintballing? Or would they do something a little more feminine?

Everyone wants to shoot Dan. I can’t blame them. They all enjoyed it. I’m sure there was even some friendly fire.

Back in the kitchen they have to prep all the dumplings, one by one. That would take a long time. They women say that they’re hungry so when it comes time for them to eat, they’re anxious. The sous chef says Gordon prepared something special for them, it’s a delicacy.  Balute eggs. By definition, it is a fertilized duck/chicken embryo that is boiled and eaten in the shell. It’s common in Southeast Asian (Laos, Cambodia, Vietnam).  Foul. Just awful. Mary says, “I can’t eat this if I make eye contact with it!”

Amanda says she would’ve rather eaten raw chicken than what she did. I can’t blame her. That shit is gross. They all try and keep from vomiting. They must have been there a long time because they don’t even get to finish, they are told to get back to work. There are some things that should not ever be eaten outside of their respective countries.

Back in the kitchen, dinner service is about to begin. Tonight we have chef’s tables. Rex Lee will be in the blue kitchen and Adam Shankman will be in the red kitchen (he’s a director).  The women say their ready for their coats back and to win. There will also be table-side dim-sim served as appetizers. Nedra presents her first risotto and gets called up to the pass, but instead of getting yelled at, she gets her jacket back. The men are making their apps go out swiftly as well, but Ray is way behind on schedule. He actually has to come back into the kitchen to tell them to re-fire something since he took too long.  

The chef’s table’s guests have arrived for their meals. I don’t know about you guys, but I would never want to sit in the kitchen. Butcher Mary gets called up to the pass for her scallops and she also gets her jacket back. So probation clearly meant nothing other than a double elimination will come up later.

Susan and Jessica are failing to get real answers out of each other. I would put more of the blame on Susan than Jessica, but that’s just me. Susan keeps giving her deer in the head-lights look and changing the cooking times for her meat.

The men have finished their apps and are onto entrees as well. Barrett is happy to be on fish because he’s cooked it his whole life. Of course that means he’ll screw it up. He brings up rawr shrimp. Still no smashing of food. But probably because the person that was meant to eat it is sitting a few feet away.

The women try to cook their celeb’s entrees and Susan screwed up the lamb. She looks like a dumb bitch.
And then, just when it’s supposed to be done, after the 2nd attempt at making it, this happens.

She drops it right onto the floor. The first cooking time she gives is 5 minutes. She then gives 4 minutes. Then 5 again. Jessica’s fish is over cooking because Susan’s time’s are wrong. Gordon blames Jessica, and asks her if she cards. Susan then says there will be 7 minutes needed for the lamb. WTF!? Somehow this is Jessica’s fault. I call bullshit.

It’s Dan’s turn to bring up lamb for the blue side’s celeb table. When Chef sends him (without calling him out or saying Dan did a great job) Dan takes a minute to celebrate.

He asks if Michael saw his lamb. Michael compliments him. Ugh. I hate that guy.

The red team is working their way onto their final ticket. When Chef gets a piece of halibut it’s rawr. Jessica doesn’t respond when he says that she’s all done and doesn’t care. She’s not helping herself. Chef gives Dan a compliment about his meat (heh) and they’re waiting on Barrett’s fish. Chef points out a table of 6 elderly ladies and everyone groans when Chef shows them what was almost served. What? What’s on the plate?

He left the parchment on the fish while he cooked it. I didn’t realize this was as large of an issue as it really was. I googled it, and someone wiki-answered with, “NO!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER TRY IT! BAKING PAPER HAS A LOT OF CHEMICALS THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” That’s a direct quote. Hmm…well then. The men’s reactions are warranted.

The women are excited to be closing in on their last ticket, and Gordon comes over to shut that shit down. No celebrating, this is still the same ticket you screwed up before. They send it out and the blue kitchen finishes as well. So they both completed service but no one is really excited. Both teams are losers. Really? Both teams have to come up with 2 of the weakest chefs on their team. Dan is certain he’ll be safe because he had an amazing service.

They get to the dorms and Jessica’s name gets thrown out first. Susan says, “You can’t keep blaming it on me, Jessica. Seriously.” What? Yes she can! You couldn’t give an accurate time, so her fish kept getting screwed up! Jacqueline throws Susan’s name up as well. Susan thinks because she was on her station by herself she shouldn’t be included. The women ask who’s the weakest chef, and Amanda says, “None of us are!” Well, clearly you’re wrong, or you would’ve won!

Over with the men Barrett’s name is said first since the fish station was a disaster. I’d agree on that. Barrett doesn’t think he deserve to go home because Ray backed him up on apps. He thinks Ray is the weakest link. Ray gets a second nomination and he’s not happy. Anthony brings up that Chef says, “2 weakest members, not who had a bad service.” So he wants Dan to get thrown in. Everyone jumps on the band wagon. Dan’s not afraid because he knows he won’t go home. This will become the witch hunt that we had with Elise many seasons ago.

Before the alter of sacrificial chefs, Jessica and Susan are brought forth. Those offerings are acceptable. Chef asks Dan, since he ran his station single handedly who the blue team nominated. He says he’s the first nominee, because apparently his team thinks he’s the weakest.

Dan is not happy. The second nominee is Ray. Same as the last week for the men. Chef isn’t happy with Jessica’s deadpan stare at him during service. She gives a pretty standard why-I-should-stay response.

Look how short Susan is! I’m only 5’ so I’m by no means tall, but either those other 3 are giants, or she’s just super small. She gives a passionate plea. Chef is tired of seeing Ray standing in front of him. Ray says he knows Gordon is looking for a line cook. What? No he’s not! He’s looking for a head chef! Dan says he shouldn’t be up there, Barrett should be. Barrett says that he’s not the weakest member of the team, Dan is.  Dan gets called first, and is told to get back in line. “That’s right!” says Dan. Chef says, “ You may not be a team player, but you can fucking cook!”

Jessica is called out and told to de-jacket herself. He doesn’t have any more patience for her lack of passion. That’s too bad, I thought she was pretty good. I think it should’ve been Susan out of the women, but I’d rather see Dan go home than anyone else.

Next time, Nedra is terrified of animals and part of the mini challenge is to catch animals and put them in cages. Someone serves pink chicken to the sous chef’s wife. Dan apparently speaks his mind in the kitchen and demands something be put on TV. Uh oh.

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