Monday, April 29, 2013

Hell's Kitchen - Episode 8




Welcome back to the continuation of Hell’s Kitchen! Previously we watched the chefs try and make Chinese food and the men finally pulled out their first challenge. They got to go paintballing and all shot at Dan. At dinner service there was a falling out between Susan and Jessica on the fish and meat station. Dan kicked ass on the meat station while Ray and Barrett killed the blue team’s win. The blue team decided to put up Dan despite his perfect service. Susan, Jessica, Dan and Ray were offered up for elimination. Jessica was told to hand over her coat, even though I think it should’ve been Susan. It doesn’t really matter though, Janel is going to take this one all the way to the end, so either one of them can go home and that’s perfectly fine.

The men are already aware that Dan is going to be a miserable bastard to deal with. No one likes you, so go home. Dan is running his mouth about how great he is right up to the time that they go to bed. Come on guy.


Chef takes them outside and tells them that they will have an opportunity to cook with some of the best and freshest ingredients. They walk outside to find a pen full of animals.  Butcher Mary is very excited, she says she wants to wrestle ‘em.


Meanwhile, Nedra is making this face. She’s terrified of animals. All animals. Not just birds or something. She says she’s scared of her own dog. Well then why do you have a dog? She’s sweating it. Each chef has to get in the pen and put an animal in the pen that has a starch on top of it. So whatever protein they pair with the starch is what they’ll be making later. They have 10 minutes to get this done.

The goats are the first to get put away. Nedra is very timid and afraid. She’s screamin and making a ruckus. The men are getting it done quickly and Nedra is taking a long time. If she can’t get a protein in there, they won’t have anything to gook. She’s takes a full 5 minutes, so half the time. The rest of the girls have to pick up the pace and get it done. “Mary had a little lamb!” Mary yells as she pushes the lamb into the cage. Everyone gets a protein, so the drama is all for naught.


They chefs get 45 minutes to make their dishes. Michael decides this is his opportunity to try cooking goat for the first time, and then goes around and checks in on everyone else. No one has asked for his opinion, but he felt the need to give it to them. What an annoying putz.

After time is called, there are 7 dishes that were made, but only 5 are being judged so they need to decided who’s getting dropped. The women eliminated Cyndi and Jackie’s dishes. Jon eliminates his own dish because he thinks it’s overdone. They drop Dan’s goat dish so Michael’s will be up instead.


Our special guest judge this week is a co-founder and owner of Animal, John Shook. He was a guest judge on Top Chef for the fried chicken challenge. The first up is battle of the turkey. Nedra vs Ray. The point goes to the red team. Next up is battle of the duck. Susan vs Anthony. Point to the red. 2 nothing. It won’t stay that way. It will get down to being 2-2. This is battle of the lamb and Mary’s raw lamb gives Wyclef the first point. Amanda and Barrett bring up their pig offerings, where he secures the tied 2nd point for the men. So now it all comes down the goats. Michael vs Janel. She does an awesome job and Michael is worried since he’s never cooked goat before, but these are usually moments where they pull out a win, like Anthony did with his stir-fry. He was rather cocky with everyone else though. I think he’s about to burn. And he does, because “this is like something I would feed my dog”. So the women win again! Of course Chef wants to taste Dan’s goat since they eliminated it initially. So they taste it and say that it was better than Michael’s.

The women’s reward is that that they’re going to be VIP’s at the aquarium in Long Beach. They’ll get to swim with the fishes (not in a mafia sort of way) and feed the dolphins. The men however get to put together a petting zoo since tomorrow night is family night in Hell’s Kitchen. It’s not so bad, they get to play with animals too a little bit.


The men however, also have to prepare food for the animals. I don’t know why, but it make me smile to see colorful food in bulk. I know, I’m a strange human being. But look at all those peppers! Fun! Yeah I’m a freak, go ahead and judge me. I also smell sticks of gum like they’re cigars. Always have, always will. They then have to wash the animals too. Dan even gives the petting zoo girl some of his attitude. Dan’s pretty much over everything. That’s good, Dan, cause we’re all over you.

As the teams prep for dinner, the women are in a positive place, but they usually are. The men are just aiming to get rid of Dan and he’s such a dick about it. Tonight is family night so Chef’s own children will be eating here, and they will be fed by the blue team. The kids get to pick from a pizza, burger and chicken fingers. They’re dishes are made and served with the adults apps. Dan is making the pizza and the bottom is burnt.  Michael tries to step in and help him out but his tone is overly condescending.

Over in the red kitchen, Jackie is late with her scallops and they’re rubber. He demands new ones since the scallops are apparently the easiest appetizer to make. They always seem to struggle with scallops. I know that if I was there I would order the risotto and a wellington, medium. Please, and thank you.
We’re told that we’re 30 minutes into dinner service, but the clock shows 4:30. So does that mean people are really eating at 4?


Chef tells the blue kitchen that the next ticket is HIS family’s ticket, so don’t fuck this up guys! Wyclef brings up perfect risotto, the scallops come up beautifully, and then Ray brings up a stone-cold burger. How do you serve a cold burger? I don’t even understand. Chef throws the food down, but doesn’t smash it. DAMNIT, CHEF! What do I have to do to get you to smash some food with your hand??  On the re-fire all seems to be well. I also just had a random thought. Does that mean his family lives here in LA? I assumed they lived in the UK. But maybe they travel around with Dad? That seems kind of insane.

Butcher Mary is up on the meat and she’s nailed each piece of meat perfectly. The women seem to have only had one mistake so far, that’s pretty impressive. Barrett is now screwing up the meat repeatedly. It keeps coming up raw. He takes a piece of lamb up to the pass despite knowing full well that it’s raw.


Dan watches eagerly. What a dick. Seriously, this guy is an ass hole. When you openly gloat in other people’s failures, there’s a special place in hell for you. Of course it’s rawr and Chef is mad that it got brought up to him. But to be fair, you scream when they tell you it needs more time!

The women are kicking ass over on the red side. But once again, Barrett is dragging on the meat station. He has a questionable piece of chicken. Meanwhile the women are communicating and timing things perfectly. They’re actually on their last ticket. They finish with a flourish and they are brought over into the blue kitchen to help them finish. Of course the men don’t want any help because that’s a slap in the face. I get that. Barrett sends up the pink chicken anyways that was supposed to go to sous chef James’s pregnant wife. Yeah that’s a bad oopsies! Dan takes this time to say, “You all I know I’m not enjoying this, right?” Shut your face, dude. Butcher Mary comes in and takes charge of the blue meat station and suddenly things are moving perfectly.  I’ll be very surprised if Barrett isn’t the chef going home.

Do I even need to tell you that the men lost? They have to go nominate 2 chefs for elimination. Michael must have a popcorn seed stuck in his teeth because he’s one pissy man. Ray tries to tell them that he’s not the weakest chef because of his burger. Barrett doesn’t blame anyone for nominating him, but he thinks Dan should go up too. Wyclef says that of course Dan should go up.

Up at the altar of sacrificial chefs, Barrett’s name is dropped first. So now it’s a question of Ray vs Dan. The men’s final decision is Dan. They think he’s not a team player, and they’re not wrong. Chef acknowledges that the blue team despises him. While Chef understands they don’t have to be best friends, they have to at least work together in harmony. The person leaving tonight is Dan. Wait…surely he’s just switching teams or something. No! He’s actually walking out the door! SHOCKING! They got rid of the character that caused the most drama! I was not anticipating that at all! I figured he would be an Elyise and we’d never hear the end of him.


Such a sweet guy.

The men have won 1 challenge and 1 service out of 6 for each! That’s insane! But I do always cheer on the women first. I gotta stick with my other hoo-ha-ed human beings. Barrett is taking his stumble very hard, he’s sobbing.
Next week we see that Barrett is spiraling out of control and goes all Britney Spears on them and shaves his head. Someone finds a piece of hair in a red-dish. Amanda starts packing her shit and is about to leave. Hell’s Kitchen is a crazy place, guys!

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