Monday, April 29, 2013

RuPaul's Drag Race - The Final 3, Hunty!

Hello, hello, hello! It’s the final 3, hunties!! I can hardly believe we’re already at the end of the season! Maybe it’s because it feels like there’s been such a light air since Coco was killed off. Granted, Roxxy has taken up the crown of diva-bitch since Coco departed. Previously the girls had to create 3 different looks using candy! Roxxy once again attacked Jinkx for things that she had no real grounding in. Jinkx finally had to lip sync, and she deserved to, against Detox, but it was Detox that sashayed away.

Back in the work room Roxxy is already bitching it up. The final 3 have all won 2 challenges. Alaska has never had to lip sync yet, which is impressive, but she’s also worked that shit to perfection! You can choke on it Roxxy, along with your skin-tight leotards.

It’s the next day and Roxxy comes in to find a note from Detox left on her stuff. Alaska has one too. Jinkx has nothing. That’s shady to write notes to someone and not to everyone. Oh no, did I just perpetuate the ridiculous Valentine’s at school thing? I take it back! But it is mean! Especially with such a small group left.

Ooo! Girl, you got she-mail! It’s our last moment of she-mail for the season! How sad! But don’t let that mascara streak too much, because the show has been renewed for a 6th season. Praise, Ru! Ru drops a lot of legal terms.

Instead of Ru coming in right after, we get Michelle! Ru is busy doing something else, so he sent Michelle instead. They’ll be staring in Ru’s video for The Beginning and they’ll be shooting a dramatic courtroom scene and will be playing all 3 parts in the scene. They will also have to prepare a little speech about why they should win this competition. They’ll get some face time with Gloria Allred as well as their typical lunch with Ru.

Candis Cayne comes in to do their photography and I do have say that for just a minute, I really did think that was a woman. And I guess, to be fair, I wasn’t totally wrong. She’s transgender, so she’s taken some physical steps to becoming more female. She’s a very TALL woman, that’s for sure! The girls work with a piece of chiffon and Alaska has no rhythm in her body, or timing as it would seem. She’s as bow-legged as they come. They then take some time with a huge fan and having that Hollywood moment. Once again Alaska can’t seem to figure it out.

We meet Mathu Anderssen again, as always, to direct the music videos. Is it a requirement that you have a ridiculously spelled name to be a gay man? He’s taken some pretty awesome pictures as a bearded lady. When he doesn’t have a Jesus beard, he’s pretty attractive. Anywhoo! This is another situation where Roxxy could take the cake.

Everyone is curious as to why Alaska wore a fro wig when they’d worked so hard on their hair-ography. They then have to do their chiffon-ography and Alaska keeps getting the chiffon over her face and can’t get it out. Poor thing. I love her so dearly. She also keeps dropping her piece of chiffon and sort of stops trying at a certain point.

This is Gloria and she’s going to whip my queens into shape for how to present a persuasive argument about why they should win the whole she-bang. Alaska is up first and she’s struggling to respond in a timely manner and gives very generic answers. That she has “the ‘it’factor and star quality”. She tells Alaska that she needs to have more self confidence.

Ru then has her tic-tac lunch with Jinkx and they talk about her going to Broadway. Ru digs a little deeper at Jinkx’s past dealing with her Mom being an alcoholic. It makes Jinkx realize that she plays an older mom type character to make up for the mom she never had. It’s an interesting concept. From what I’ve seen of Jinkx post-drag-race, she’s definitely gotten more glamorous and is becoming what Roxxy wants her to be.

Roxxy meets with Gloria next and she gives this very prim and proper response about why she should win. Gloria stops her and tells her she doesn’t want to hear the pageant bullshit! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! YES! She tells her to keep it real. They talk about obstacles that Roxxy has overcome. She apparently was going to give up drag because she was tired of the negativity. She overcame it by realizing her talent is a gift. They talk about how Jinkx needs to stop being a schtick show and she wants to see beauty from Alaska. Gloria admires what she has to say but wants her to say it without being catty. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Again, someone else pointed out that she’s a mean girl!

Alaska meets with Mother Ru and they talk about how, if she won, would she rule as the part of the Royal Couple of Drag. Alaska talks about how she has a fear of dying because she’s worked so hard for things in her life and she doesn’t want it to all just go away. She has a special moment where she talks about the great love between her and Sharon. They’re so damned amazing; I want to see them perform together!  Ru tells her to not be afraid and to embrace the moment she’s in.

Jinkx is with Gloria and she speaks a bit more eloquently. Gloria cuts her off and tells her that she’s not talking about what’s wrong with the other girls. Jinkx says she doesn’t enjoy having to talk negatively about her competitors. Gloria tells her that’s all well and good that you want to be positive, but this is not the environment for it.

Ru talks with Roxxy and Roxxy’s main reason she wants to win is to be the first thick girl to win. Ru tells her that she’s an amazing queen. That’s all we see of it. Hmm..not too much to say, huh Ru?

The girls are prepared for their courtroom scene. The girls have to play the witness, defense attorney and prosecutor. Each role should be a distinctly different character. Ru plays Judge Rudy. When Mathu asks Alaska about one of her characters, she gives a full background and everyone is enjoying it, except Roxxy. Roxxy’s witness is just called Roxxy Andrews, whereas the other girls create whole back stories for each. Roxxy’s characters are all called Roxxy Andrews. You’re not getting the point.

Once again, Alaska and Jinkx kill the challenge and Roxxy sucks at it. She also takes about 30 seconds too long to make a spit take. Mathu has to correct her several times.

The girls get back into the workroom and Roxxy is visibly pissed off. “I didn’t know a courtroom scene was supposed to be comedy!” She’s mad because she didn’t come off as funny. She thinks they should’ve taken the scene seriously? How do you take it seriously? “You’re not 80 years old, you’re Jinkx Monsoon, playing a character!” You’re such a bitch, I hate you. Jinkx is aware that she’s just lashing out because she didn’t do well.

The next day they have a debate about whether or not comedy always has a place in drag. “They’re making fun of drag!” No they’re not, they’re celebrating it in a way that you can’t! When Jinkx asks Roxxy what her favorite moment of the show has been she says, “Seeing you be in the bottom 2.” And then goes about drying her hair so she can’t hear what Jinkx has to say. Roxxy is on a royal tirade of being a bitch. She admits in interview that this is all about getting under Jinkx’s skin. Jinkx then asks Alaska the same question and she laughs and says “Seeing you in the bottom 2.” It’s funny!

Our final runway, hunties!!

Lady in red! No special judges this week, it’s just family.

Roxxy is up first.

 The dress is pretty and the “strap” that turns into a cape like thing is actually pretty interesting. I feel like it could be a hard dress to get into. I always wonder what it’s like to try and sit in a dress that’s 100% crystals.

Jinkx is in the middle.

I don’t actually like it very much. It feels like a weird material and I don’t particularly care for the head piece.

Alaska is last.

She’s got a bit of a booty issue, in my opinion. The dress is pretty though. It’s a pretty glamorous look for her.

They show the video of each of the queens in their respective roles as well as the video of the song. The first queen up to be judged is Roxxy. Michelle says that she came in purely as pageant and she’s leaving as a perfectly well-rounded queen. Santino thought she did a great job with the look, but her roles kind of blended together.

Santino thinks Tyler Perry better watch out for Jinkx, because she can play anyone and everyone. Remember what that used to be Eddie Murphy’s bit? Ah the days of The Nutty Professor. Michelle likes the head piece but doesn’t like the dress very much. It comes off as very prom-ish, but Sanitno loves her face.

Michelle loves Alaska’s dress and performances. She also thinks the afro was probably not a good choice. Santino compliments her on being able to stand alone and that she’s not in anyone’s shadow anymore. That makes Alaska start to get teary. I can’t even imagine how she must feel to hear that.

The closing arguments begin. Roxxy is up first. She says she has grace, beauty and professionalism and those are all things the other girls don’t have. She wants to be a role model to kids and she’s so proud to be thick and juicy.  She couldn’t ever let Ru down. Jinkx is up and she talks about her past and being an outcast. Drag was her way of living since she couldn’t live the life she wanted at home. She took the critiques and listened all while remaining true to who she was. Everything else is just water off a duck’s back.

Roxxy interrupts before they can move onto Alaska and has an apology moment. She says that she said some things earlier that were not true at all, and that she loves Jinkx. “I love you.” Jinkx says nothing. That’s a cop out, in my opinion. Granted, it could be the work of editor elves, but still, it’s bullshit.

Alaska then says in an interview she’s really confused because the challenge was to say why the other 2 shouldn’t be winners, which neither of the other 2 really did. Alaska gets in a theater sounding voice and says that Roxxy was once challenged to be a 16 year old but came off as a tawdry 27 year old tramp. Jinkx also gets read for failing at all 3 looks from last week. “I am the queen that takes the tragic and turns it into magic.”

She finishes with a flourish. The judges are impressed. The girls are sent to untuck while the judges deliberate. And they all repeat themselves. They come up with the fact that Roxxy won the video, Jinkx won the courtroom scene, and Alaska won the runway defense.

The girls come back and it’s the lip sync for their very life. Now is not the time to fuck it up! They’ll be singing Ru’s “The Beginning” just as they did in their music video. I don’t feel like Roxxy does much. She uses her dress a lot as a prop. But she feels sort of dead in the eyes, but that could be the huge amount of eyelashes that literally block our view. Alaska and Jinkx are both equally killing it. No one rips off wigs, no one takes off dresses. Take notes, future queens. That’s how you lip sync for your life! Ru announces that he hasn’t made his final decision. We’re going to, unfortunately, get a live reunion show where our queen will be crowned. We’re asked to vote by just about every social networking website. We’ll have a recap episode next week, which I hate watching, so I’m sorry if you’re a fan, but there won’t be coverage of it. But there will for SURE be coverage of the reunion show. I can’t wait to see how the girls respond to Selena. I’m sure Roxxy will get called out.

That’s it though, addicts! That’s the end of the regular season! I’ve already gone and cast my vote for Jinkx, but I would be just as happy to see Alaska take the crown. Anyone but mean Boxxy Roxxy Andrews. Am I right?

No comments:

Post a Comment